yuPPiedo!!!

not a good start, was in the bathroom since morning, head bent over my tummy wondering when that excruciating pain gonna go die and leave me (alive and breathing). although it was a cool morning i do not know why i am sweating but looking white. my eyes are teary. i hate it when aunty comes visit. i shall lock my door the nexttime.. :P

not very good in the afternoon too, not by the look of stormy grey clouds gathering in the sky, and after a short wait they decided to pour (like REAL haRd) they blew and blew and spatter sprays of rain and clog up drains and make the ldp look like a shallow but fast stream.

finished my presentation sheets finally, yUPPIedo! i meant to go sleep like a piggy for 12 hours staright but somehow i didn't, although the temperature cool and ideal for pigging and it would be nice after a few days to finally be able to curl in my warm cocoon, tempting huh, but NO! ended up here with an entry not going really anywhere, not makiNg really a point or making any difference. :P i hope that is not where my dissertation is going ;> which is why i have to take the available time now to check through the draft i gave to Leong on mOnday and get sumthing improVed froM there. he seemed so sure i could do it , where else i still feel like although i ve been in it so long, it doesnt seem to get me to the point of understanding it better, but the more i sink into it the more questions i ask and the bigger my headache gets, becos i havent found the answers, and i don't know when i shall.. (being whiny again)

can't wait till thuRs, cos it will be friDay soon,(meeting wen for lunCh and shoPping!) but cant wait for fri to end cos then it will be beginning of Saturday and nearer to Sunday and getting nearer to Tuesday! haha! but after tUesday i want Tuesday to stay there as loNg as pOssIble cos then if tHursday comes then friday shall and i am Back in college again on monday (no play plays oredy)

(there i go whinIng again.. stoP Sue, Stop!!)

its almost dinnertime, and i so want to watch teevee now, wanna get my eyes affixed to the fat cube for once.

wanna take a shower before dinner time cos Laurie told me once that if u do after shower, the u are bound to pile on pounds, (which explains my python-ed state)

____________________________

and for the how-many-ieth time i am listening to Kelly Clarkson's Because of You.......
(when i actually told my sis not to play that song else i will get sick of it)
...

i got a wOozy heaD, sore hand aNd achiNg back, i want my hol!

its only the 1ststage and i am owedyfeeling the tension oredy
for the past 2 days i did not sleep till 5-6 am, and i drag myself out 10-11 the next morning. i seriously have no idea how i am going to live through that continuously for the next 8 months! 'cept for hols, which i am planning to spend most of my hols with frens and myself (recuperating from sleep loss and exhaustion) the remaining time will be spent at home, hopefully peacefully harmoniously with the other members of the family. i want a quiet week off, (and its oNLY a Weeek/???? i want MOORREEE!!!)

haha. doubt i could keep the ambient athome quiet, because i am the main reason the noises came out most of the time. i hoPe i spend the one week decently and appropriately on thiNgs that i plan to do, and distributing theM equally between the days or else i shall go berserk with the remaining days doiNg absolutely nothiNg (which is a good reason why u'd ask me, why are u screamINg ur head off liDat, Sue!!!!) :P

but fiRstly, i waNt toMorrows to end quick! and foR that, i am goiNg to work quick and fast and hopefully the respond would be good. that will make me look fwd for the hols witH sth to smIle about at least :> (apart froM having to get some good rest) sth to feel glad of when i have accomplished sth. :):) i do liKe that feeliNg!!! its the same feeling in the kitchen when i attempt baking after learning and observing mum and when the results are good, u could almost see the chocolate chip cookie smiling at u with all its chips neatly arranged in an :) arch. *wiNks*

i hope i see oNe oR two choccie chip cookie smiling at me toMorrows in the studio..
*griNs* :)

silVer liNiNg in eVeRy cLoud?

added a brand new soNg i heaRd over the waVes few days baCk just lately,
has a shatteriNg fRustratiNg note to it, and its helpiNg me scReaM my feelINgs that have been kept pent up in myself for weeks now
thats a gReat feeliNg haviNg it released w/out causing chaos at hoMe ( pHews..)

i was stariNg into emptyness when somethiNg shiny that lOOks like a neat buNdle oF shimmeRing tHread caught my eyes. like fine woven silver droplets, reflecting every ray of sunlight. lil rainbows. make beliefs. illusion. mirage. i am seeing and conjuring all this behind my wateRy eyes.

i looked intently at it. closer. nearer, and finally CLeaRer.
yes. this was the precious gift i had once lost few montHs back
a gift from someone dear

i found it back again
afteR loOKing woRRiedly every nook and cranny of the house for 2wholeweeks
once a friend told me, "What's lost is meant to be lost"
but, i did not give up hope
i know with a feeling in my heart that if i keep on searching i will find it,

yes i did!
in the most unexpected place (bliMey!)
from that day onwards
i kept it safely, i wear it as frequent as i could
and won't it out of my sight
for fear of losing it again

this tiny trinket has been a constant reminder to me since its lost(and found.. )
and the lost of the person who gave it to me
i know i believe coincidence too much to give it a 2nd thought
but coincidences which happens twice cant be merely just coincidence..

4 years ago, i lost an object
an object which signifies a 3-year relationship of trust, faith, love and friendship
as ironically as it sounds, the relationship went down into the black murky waters,
as the bracelet had, when i was riNsing charcoal residue off my hands
i believe it was a bad omen, like a warniNg something isnt goINg as right as it was expected to be.

toDay i hold my 2nd bracelet, letting it frolick in my palm like drops of molten metal
and i am thaNkful i havent seen a pool of darkness surrounding it,
or even trying to taRnisH its brilliance, its purity and hope that it briNgs to me
puts back faith in believing,

but believiNg ....

what is believing the impossible ?

does believing in it makes it reachable?

does believing makes it real ..?

does believing make it possible?

today i stand where i am now
thaNkful for whatever that had been or had happened
regardless of how bad/good things may have turned out
for as much as our own decisions deteRmines iN creatINg the sharpest of turns or the smoothest of journeys
we have to face tHe consequences that lies in waiting for us
as each different route leads to yet another destination
unluckily this time we got lost
loSt looking for the "destination"
existiNg only in our own minds, but not on the maps
have we been in the daydream too loNg,
only to be awoken by the nightmare than shook us hard and mercilessly?
have we been blind all this while
or are they as real as we want them to be
before that foot-thick monster started making itself (un)comfortably cushioned in between tHe minute iNch-tHick gap that oNce exist.

life is precious
like a thin line of silver thread
it could snap into two
and be gone forever
i am grateful he's still here, not as who he used to be
but as a friend
i am grateful he is still alive
breathing the same air i breathe, treading on the same ground i walk on
doing the things that make him and people around him proud and happy,
and making differences in people's lives ( mine very much included)
and improving day by day to be a better person,
not for what he is not,
but by remaining the same person he oways was,
succeediNg in everythiNg he does and deserving the happiness he's seekiNg foR,
i believe he will ..


________________________________________________

i dread writing the end of an entry
for it keeps getting back to me that i might have missed out something important...

..

i'll keep that safe in my memorybox for another day's entry
but thats all foR now

(( xoxoxo ))

waViNg the whIte fLag

do u wonder why sometimes u are surrounded inside out with a certain emotion
then a certain soNg comes along
and theN wHaM! it just hits u right there
and there's no turNing back really
i thought it is a normal response to avoid getting pained
just as simply as getting blown by a certain tune, melody or words
but just as i was listeniNg to it a work
i knew i had to come back with that soNg playing inmy pc while i am doing my work
i am uncertain whats making me letting me doing this to myself
but i guess i am enjoying the pain as much as i wanna rid it
again, maybe this is a great way to get myself accustomed to pain till
all that is felt is just an empty numbness
and a smile is as easy as faking a smile, unfeeling, cold and artificial

funny i didnt realise how much this song meant all this while
although dido was sorta an all time favourite
she just has a sorta husky mellow and motherly voice that soothes
and this time she'd just delivered the soNg perfectly
with a spRinkle of melancholy
its perfeCt

. :: Dido_White Flag :: .

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
I'll tell you that
But if I didn't say it
Well, I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess
And destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "It's over"
Then I'm sure that that makes sense

Well I will go down with this ship And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
As I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

i haVe to get tHis out!!!

tiMe to upDate my blog when i can now
there's really hardly anything to say besides what i basically do everyday
last friday seemed memorable
i had a lOng day at woRk completing submissiOn drawiNgs for esarli
and dint get to leave till aPprox 11-30
that got mum & dad worrIed
so they droVe all the way up here to see that i reach home safely
kiNda iRritated me iN the begInnIng
as to why they'd not allow me to drive home alone at that houR
but i do see the poiNt and the reasons they tOOk all the trouble
just to ensure my safety
half the stReetlights arent working
the roads are holey and bumpy
coincidentally there had been two accidents that very day
one involving two cars completely crumpled like aluminium paper
and another involving a fight
and God noes who's tailIng me from behind
witH mean intentions
i had them behind me throughout the whole ride home
i must admit its pretty stressful
keepiNg my car at an acceptable speed of 50km/ph
on LDP!
sorry if i had been un-understandiNg
but i understand now..

but i kena bombed by them anyhow
because i drove around with no more gas in the car
i simply had no time to be frank
i was rushing to go work when i realise the tank's almost empty
and i was in the entiRe day workiNg w/out lunch
it was till i got into the car
i go
*dangz, and Caltex in front of my workplace owedy close
DarN Caltex,u arent there when i need u

i had an okay day on satuRday
as i had the whole mornIng( and nooN) in bed
to compensate for sleep loss last few days
had a quick lunch with dad and dad's fren in oldtown
and went to one.u after that to shoP for deBb's pResSie

i love suNday
suNday was the day i had a vicious quarrel with sis
not so much of a heated argument
but i must say i got pretty dissapointed by the way she behaved
i like the way she hurled those words at me
but inside i laugh and in turn ridicule her snide remarks
she's slowly turnIng into lil replicate of my elders
trying to change the way i am
the people i go out with
tHe choiCes i make
the time and whom i spend it with

try to get hold of ur own life before trying to touch mine
u don even have real frens who stand up with and for u
u say u have every right to do OR say what u want
then wheRe is mY right to chOose!?

u say people doN listen to u
and when u try harD to be nnice to people u doN get a siMilaR response
Try LooKing into the mIRror
i hope u lIke what u saw in there
cos thats what u tHink i am
but it was u all alOng

u doN even nOe how to stRike a nice conversation witH ur siBlings at home
doN even tRy to take control oF my liFe
cos ur very own is goIn down the draiN if u doN stop beiNg what u are
FAker!

aUg 31st! soMe inDepeNdence day...

i was beiNg crabby the whole nite
i was crimson from neck up,talking lots of cra(p) and pinching
(poor wats)
it was okay the first 15 mins after the last sip
but after that i start feeling the heat rose to my neck and slowly seeping into my OREDy rosy complexion
darnedest
was barely a full mug
and there i go bragging i had 3.. and a Quarter
lols
i start to notice how severe it was not untill
i paid a visit to the loo in(in hartamas's cristo)
trust me the washroom is miniscule for a place/crowd like that
i saw an octopus looking back at me in the reflection,
oh dangz
patting my face with water didnt help
in fact i think its gonna help it get worse
so i gave up
i walk back hobbling miserably on my heels
tipsy BUT miserable
i tot i was suppose to get tipsy high and i;ll be laughing my ass off
but not this time

i like lastyear's merdeka eve
although we were walking all over town
blistery toes and soles
but there were at least more than the 6 of us

time does feel like it flies
i recall what happened some 10 days ago from today's date
and it feels like it happened a month ago
woNder what makes it seemed like a century ago when my time with loved one
just ticks away with extraordinary speed
just a wink then the moment has to end

tiMe with family just remain at a standstill no matter how mucH tiMe i have with them
probably we have less conversations, thus the lack of comMunication, less glances, less expRessioN , and eventually less trust
but time standiNg still doesnt mean i could take time for granted and think it is actually standing still
it was actually never standing still
it was ever moving
at a steady pace
it was just me
me in my slower pace
i have to catch up somehow
or it will ever seem standing still for me
like things never are gonna change

when time does freeze it doesnt mean time wasnt wasted
the thIng about me assuming it never really moved was probably i was too reluctant and stubborn and strong headed to make it move in the first place
i cant do much with wasted time which i assumed was frozen time
but i can do a lot with time that is ahead of me
available for me to make changes for myself, people around me and my environment

i am just imagining life with no tomorrow
no more time
there's just not enough time

......

gettiNg bLue-BlaCks eAsiLy

Natasha Bedingfield has released a moving and heartfelt track called
“I bruise easily” and sings that she wants to be “handled with care”.

As the lyrics suggest, all of us can bruise easily when we open ourselves up to a relationship. The trouble is, life is made up of relationships whether it be with family, friends, partners or children, they all make or break our world – and how
fragile that world seems at times!

Here at Connect, we see many people who have had their world broken or damaged and although most of the bruises they sustain are emotional ones that cannot be seen, they are, nevertheless, just as painful.

But there is hope. It is possible to heal and move on, to develop and change. Counselling can sometimes be a way of finding a way through life’s problems.

From the feedback we get from former clients – it can make an enormous difference. We may not be dealing with physical injuries but the pain and desperation is just as real. The following quote is used, by permission, from a client who actually describes her emotional hurts in a physical sense;

“After months of hard, intensive soul-searching where raw wounds were opened up even further, I can finally say that I am leaving you with only a few sticky plasters. The scars, I know, will remain, but the searing pain is now a manageable dull ache. Connect, like an antibiotic, has enabled me to heal.” _but antibiotic leaves a horrible aftertaste_danGz

If you have been bruised and want some help, call Connect on 01276 24210; we care for all kinds of Problems, for individuals, couples and families.

:< :< :< :< :< :< :,< :'{ ;.<

seriously maybe i shud drop them a line or sth.......

i hear it singing from ur heart and it hurts so much to noe its as painful for u as it is for me
thank u for sharing this beautiful song with me

_sad yet beautiful_like the sunset

hoping sun will rise tomorrow

______:: i bruise easily ::_______

My skin is like a map
of where my heart has been
And i cant hide the marks
its not a negative thing
So i let down my guard
drop my defences down by my clothes
i'm learning to fall with no safety net to cushion the blow

[Chorus]
I bruise easily so be gentle when u handle me
There's a mark you leave
Like a love heart carved on a tree
I bruise easily
Cant scratch the surface without moving me underneath
I bruise easily
I bruise easily

I found your fingerprints on a glass of wine
Do you know you're leaving them all over this heart of mine too
But if i never take this leap of faith
I'll never know
So I'm learning to fall with no safety net to cushion the blow

[Chorus]

Anyone who can touch you
can hurt you or heal u

Anyone who can reach you
can love you or leave u

So be gentle...

[Chorus]

I bruise easily
I bruise easily ..

::

there's nothing that i do that makes them happy
or what i do that makes me happy they will aprrove of
and heck he asked me why it seemed i was oways against him
i was never oways agaiNst hiM!!
he was just never happy the way i am
never happy the way i look spoke act
never
and i shall never,
i will never forget his eyes
which my eyes pierced right out to drink into all its fieryness
without a feeling of guilt, or fear
but i feel the rims of my window blacken
as if darkness was claiming me,blurring my vision

as i make my way up
as my welled up emotions starting pounding on the walls
i noe i told myself i won let it out
but its starting to pound so hard i have to release them
release them of their suffocation
and mine
purging out the thick lumps that formed in my throat
i hurled them out hard
i forced out my pent up anger
feeling so broken makes me wanna break things
hurting still dead objects feels good

but i don want to
i stopped
but once i get reminded of what he says
i start the fuss all over again
water washed me clean
water washed my tears
water washed the filthiness of words that were thrown at me
water filled my stomache

i don need food
i don need anything

i just need to get the unstately looking me looking better
and i will go to work as i do everyday

i will be normal
i will be strong
i will be okay

i will

but now

i am not sure

bloggiNg is wHeRe i haVeN't beeN to for almost a moNth

aN encoUnter with teRmites...
thats a goOd one to start off the weEk
and from an almost-30day break from typing iin my blog

to start with the bugsy teRmites
paul, one of my collegue spotted one termitey last 2 weeks crawling on a sheet of A4 on his worktable
freaking out he called us on to show his remarkable find
its remarkable really..
as its my first time seeing a termitey (live,crawling)with my naked eyes
it has a whitish yellowish appearance making it the albino cousin of the regular ants
and.. whitish yellowish
tot it was closer of a kin to the maggots though
yikeys!
so..
just two days ago..
i walked into the office as it were any other regular day
i greeted jessie at the door, like any other regular day
but this isnt any regular day it isnt! sobs

i don see jacky holding a feather duster on a regular monday
or paul furiously banging the keyboard upside down
whats the spick and span aNd hustling and bustling
an early spring cleaning madness??
this peeps gone outta their heads?
this is no regular sleepy monday cos as i lean down to catch something that seemed glistening on the matt surface of my table
there lies a live teRmittey writhing pitifully on my desk, it must be a longfall from the ceiling boards or he'd wouldnt land on his back poor termitey
i let out a gasp and start juMping like a packet of burSting popcorns
i look like an absolute mad person
paul wasnt v helpful
he stood and laughed (muahahahas?) at me a whole good five mins
but helped me clean the desk as i recollect my composure
but just as i see another termitey i go mad all over again

and then it was ken;s turn to laugh at me
they tOok turns laughing at me
and sometimes they laughed at ME all at the same time
so thats a lot of noise that same day
me jumping and screaming andlaughing then almost crying
and them laughing at my jumpy antics
and my boss cracked up too
guess they r wondering how a city gurl could survive in rural area like sg buloh
lmao.
hhaa
i wonder too

and they just keep laughing at slightmovements
a slight brush
stamping my feet shaking off some imaginary crawling termiteys
and whole lot stampeding sound on the floors when the crawly sensation starts to feel a lil too real
basically they enjoyed the scene when they see this city gurl breaking into a dance when she feels an itch or crawly somewhere imaginarily

and then today i went in
more termiteys on tables till we have to shift the pcs out of the working studio
and a cat that felled a ceiling board near the pantry (darns)!!!

a place full of pest
and SuRpriSes!

...!!!!

just as i was checking the tables if there were dead(or alive termiteys)
a snooppy cheeky ken came from behind and gave me a soft bOo fr the baCk of my shoulder!
daRn! that really made me jumped
jumped the wits outta my skin
just whacked him for what seemed like a longtime but couldnt help it but burst into gigglesmyself
daRnedest things happened today but this is far by the worst
i cant help but think a large termitey gave me that fright as i was so engrossed watchiNg out for one. don want one to come landiNg on my hair when i wasnt lOoking
and mind.. they feed on woOd but they also bite
paul has a termitey bite, (which he got that same morniNg) its turned into aN ickle bruise by lunchtime wheN i checked it
and jacky had a termite landiNg on her hair leaving some termitey trail im sure whe wouldnt forget
and that horrible stoRy louis made up about one getting into ur hair
and by the rate of multiplication u will be soOn be hosting a colony of termiteys! (arGhhhhs!)

the exterminators coming in tomolos
and hope the milky ants are *deleted* for good
don want them walking all over above out heads and reducing the place to crumBs

crosses fingers (1,000,000 X)

i don wanna go to workplace the nextweek me turning the place upside down with my unbearable noise-making machine
think they will consider firing if they cant bear it
fancy a pinkedface lil monkey jumping and monkey_giggling all over the place

some pest that needs a pest exterminatoR
or a firm turned into a zoo?

criNg3

i cried at the mere sight of a black worm today
dunno why i did it
but its slick black shiny body writhing filled with unimaginable liquid made me cringe
i screamed for a continuous 15 mins pausing a milisecond (am exaggerating ere) to catch my breath ( poor gal)
but the image keeps flashing and only way to block it from appearing was to scream
and jump
and dance around like an excited monkey (onlythis is an upsetted one, lost his banana i guess)
i ran upstairs, my bro looking at me with an expression written *what the heck is REALLY wrong with this gurl* i lOok at him with doleful eyes, now wateRy
and start bursting into tears, though they werent exactlythe ones u shed cos u were sad or sth
rather traumatized what happened like precisely a week ago.
sobs
it went on like a few minutes then i jumped up wiping off the tears, laughing at my ridiculous behaviour
went out to lunch
should have seen the way my parents reacted earlier
i acted like i was in a fit or sth
*embarassing*
the image of food send waves of nausea to my head onto my tongue down to my tummy and rocketed back to my head
so in the end
not only did i NOT have lunch
i accompanied my sis home (cos she's sick to her tummy too - must be the brunch)
and well
a tiny black worm
really did spoil my day
it does feel like crying again now
though i'd really like the laughing part after that
laugh it off
laugh at myself
laugh it away

silly me!

if only it were as simple as laughing it off
laughing it away
........

sighs

wiNged sPaRrow sized motH bReediNg seAson

as i was walkiNg back to my car after collecting my punchcard i was shocked to see a giant moth perchiNg on the passenger's door.
it was sitting neatly on the handle witH wings so demurely resting on the car's exterior.
If they had been given a brighter hue these winged creatures wouldnt look at all eerie, not to mention its mattted powder black wiNgs a stark contrast to my shiny silver kembara. well but then if it were colourful then it wouldnt be categorized a moth. a few minimal lighter strips arranged vertically across its wings, plain!
its right rear wing was slightly torn, probably a result of tear and wear flying all the way from FRIM to stalk me.. perasan...lol

i stepped into the car as quietly and lightly as i could as if it would awaken the car, keeping fingers crossed the huge insect willnot find its way INTO my car,much traumatized oredy when saw it RESTING ON my car.... -_-' goshhh. i baRely started my car when the grey shape start fluttering, anyone would have mistaken its size for a sparrow's, only the gracefulness of the flight that made it possible to differ it from the spaRrow's.. watched it flew into the distance, its greyness dimnishing into the evening dim-ness,..... then started my way back, with relief... phews

meets up witH pRem at the curve approX 8 with dee alonGside as my escort haha ( oways has been and will be for another year!) hads diNner at wiNter waRmeRs.. :) coincidentally it themed well witH the temperature yesterday evening, theRe was a crisp coolness that hung in the aiR and we chose a seat under the ceiling fan outdoORs! think we are suppose to be smart enough to order sth warm but i ended up with a mixfruit tea cocktail, which was suRprisiNgly sweet and fruity albeit not the sickly syRupy sWeet way. do not noe how i will put it, but it tasted genuine.,, with slices of apple orange and lime swiMming in a charming glass jug! it pours from jug into cocktail glass.. quaint!~ :)

dee had an iced rose latte, which i find too bitter for my sweet tooth (or rather tongue). clever of her requesting for rose syrup to milden the bitter tang. note that rose syrup actually tasted like concentrated rose-flavored glucose that u can buy from sundry shops in tins.ones that come in fine powder to be mixed with water. haha u get what i mean...

preM left his pasta untouChed ( like.. kinda?) cos i think he toOk a bite or so theN he spent the remaiNing time waiting for me to finish up my meal and great deal talking too :) no one told him to have 2 thosais before comIng haha! altogether a pretty cool gettogether, although there were just 3 of us. havent sat down a good long 2 hours chatting away like we used to, miss those times in college...........

reaChed home aPProx 10-30 after drOppIng dee home and came online right away. guess i was hopIng to bump into a certaiN someoNe but he mustbe tucked in some other realm now i guess :)

am off to sleep myself. me needs me beauty sleeps....

zzzzzzzz

biweekly visits

meaNt to riSe early for a morNing walk neaR aunt helen's but manage only to drag myself up apProx 8-25! -_-" muSt have beeN that maCareNa yesterday. i recall myself iN my own piCture wiNdoW paiNtiNg an iMagiNary shuYii flappINg frantiCally like a new bird learning how to fly. (i hear myself scReaMiNg too......eishhh eMbaRaSsments-- reds-- )dunno how it spReaded all the way to tHe back of my shoulders, stiffeniNg the joints of right and left causing me to straighten up mucH more often thaN my visits to the loo. lOose sCrews after the exaggerated macaRena? i Hope not.....

tHis is tHe suMmarY of what i did toDay
reach work by 9-03~!! got a whole stack of punchcards from jessie (but only used one ofcos!) duped..
working on the faBricretail. (still) sighs.. dying to get out of this assign, shall worK harder to complete it so i'll get a new one..hmm
figured wHerE i wanna go all weeKend fINALLY!!!!! wanted to pay a visit to tHe row of shops oN jalan TAR for some ideas_shopping... dangz i ve got all weekend but i lost it.... :(
had chiCkeN riCe in sg.bulOh (agaiN!) witH beanspouts ipoh_style! :) shoRt fat juicy succulent sprouts, yuMmiessss......
caMe home meaNt to go aunt helen's for EveniNg walk but tak jadi oso cos the sun did not wait for me..... >.<

my tiRed paiR of wiNgs gave me an excuse to leave early today but surprisingly after dinner it did quite feel loosened. not giving it an oppOrtunity to come back, am listening to jinsoon and gets me sUuficients sNoozlesss..... zzz

nitess peePs! ;>

haha

adopt your own virtual pet!

psd-ed cRazy!!

gRaNny sMitH cRaze!!! muaKsSs aPplegReeN, like it on VW!! :)

bLocKiNg my seNseS

montHly issue came today,
this is the time of the month i get miserable but
fortunately with the amount of worK occupying my time leaving no rooM to thInk of pain
is helping

it starts to feel when i stopPed beiNg busy
and stops feeling when i was chattiNg up witH a fren ysternite

been replaying the enya *fake albuM* - Sumiregusa for a bout a few tiMes now,only stops to pause when supervisor indicating wanting a woRd with me..... so distractiNg huh

it skiPs at traCk no.6 - Never whiCh is my fav. tracK so faR so am wantiNg to get it changed at nightmaRket possiBLy toDay. reason i said so FAR is i was crazing about Wild Violet when i heaRd it in enya.com abt a month ago but am starting to like Suddenly Yours (in Now Playing box)

find it quite too mellow in the beginning but the melody starts getting easy to get accustomed to after the 3rd play. its touchiNgly soft, a lil melancholic, but also swEet. could taste it on my tongue, like a painkiller slowly taking its effect - doink

coming home smelling like tobacco, as i haVe since 3 weeks ago...
eUuwwsss.................
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:: ::

currently listening to :: ewan mcgregor and nicole kidman's *come what may*
couldnt believe this was the same guy who appeared in star wars: episode 3 lately

he's actually got a pretty good siNging voice, unlike the kayu-ness in his tone in revenge of the sith, **tee hee*

and not to mention he was clean-er shaven in moulin rouge

revenge of the sith he look like a jedi master---only
ah pek style..... teehee

have been busy at work doing the renderings,
and one took about 3 hours which stalled me till about 7 pm,bwEks

i am INSTALLING 3d studio max into my pc once i get hold of the cd,hmmphs!!

at the moment i have to make do with what i have and try presenting it in the most presentable manner i could

goiN back to my comfY box of fluFfs, nites

---xoxoxoxoxo------

tiReds

i recalled teling someone i was crying while singing when i broke it off with my ex,but couldnt remember which song was it i was singing. well today i remembered,when i was hearing a soNg similar to that one

fUnny how certain songs bring out the emotion that weRe oNce felt , even it occuRed years ago where u are most likely to have forgotten it lIke foRgettiNg a simple thing like what u want to say! :) and how vividly it was pictured, from the saltiness of the tears to the pufFiness of ur eyes and the soUnd of raiN that pOured and beated against the window on a nite, clock reads 9 -30 pm. and a study light was the only tHing that lit the dark interiors of tHe roOm, while i was trying to keep myself from crying only to let out soft sobs accompanying the night rain......

in case u are wondering, it was a sonG by jessica.simpsons :: it all sounds so silly and phony now. the song don mean a thiNg to me now, not the way i use to feel towards the song or the person once upon a time ago. being able to relate to that same feeling : denial,depRessed,cold,neglected doesn't make me the same person i was 4 years ago. i aM merely able to feel/recall it in a new identity,lOoking at it liKe i was lOokiNg at tHe other person. and it does make me smile thinking abt it now despite the bittertears that i cried allover it then. i smiled and laughed at the silly naive little girl who didn't know how to let go off the things that arent wortH keeping. memories that made u who u weRe once_upon_a_time,and the old u who made u who u are today......why.. thats not so bad i guess. all a part of the learning journey.

i still like the song (though memories are stuck fast permanent)
but i guess i like it still because i have faith in how i feel
and i trust i could find that special someone someday,if nottoday or tomorrow :P

and i believe in good things and bad that happen for a reason, regardless of how stuBborn/or a pessimist u aRe at that moment of occurence.

i guess time can only tell ......

*_anotHeR hectiC day_*

got quicktime ledies!!! i aM so hapPPPPy! (thanks paul!)

all the more to worK on, and loads more waiting to be done. left oFfice apProx 6 sth,calling home to only be told that dad's out for weddingdinner, bro at freN's bbq leaviNg me and 2 sis to fend for ouRselves for dinner.

went to one.u after given the botH much time deciding while waiting foR me to comeback foR jam near sg buloh exit is nastily heavy appRox 6. i had to skip junction by junction to find one where there are less congestion so i could cut right against the traffic onto the left side of the road. touChed down @home approx 7,changed into freshclothies and off we go again. anotheR jam while getting into one-u. i once used to dread driving then i got to love it cos it gets me to places w/out counting on parents and at times like this its taxing, and here is my 17-year_old sis talking about driving sitting next to me. -_-" blimeys

heaved on a lasagna(which i share with meng, glad i did!) but regretted i didnt take sth lighter. feel like a bloated phyton slithering all over the floors of one.u witH my sis pHengs beiNg indecisive of wHere to go next. dangz

thiNk we went a lil far into the old wing then i voiced making a u turn cos car is parked in the new wing. meant to go foR a drink at woNgkok but were greeted and told the kitchen was closing. dangs for phengs, her facial expression really tells it all. was making fun of the waitress who mumbled like a chuffing train.. *%^*#$@)*^..... sorry* actually we *kinda heard* "our kitchen is closing now,sorry" but she chuffed her way through telling us-lah, like wanting us to leave in a chuff oso *bweks waitress* as a very pissed phengzers pulls her trademark expression. ((haha))

decided to leave for home siNce we have noNe other plans,time reads 10pm anyway. reached home finding ourselves the earliest hoMe! installed illustrator 10 onto pc, did a lil rendering and now here i m! :) yawnsss

well --------------------------------

atleast i don have to work tomolos!!!

teehee

_vw rendering w/out quicktime_ disH*!

:+ 2nd june 2005+ :
started on my vw rendering this mornIng,have yet to finalise my design, still trying different options foR showcases display.

went out lunch today foR fiRst tiMe with collegues 2day.droVe all the way to sg buloh town just to have mixed rice,and isnt cheap...... -_-"

.. tried rendering a few more to see the lighting effects,then *whaM* wanna export image only realise no quicktime to support that task,and the textures arent showing in thumbnails so i gotta apply ONE by one just to see how it lOoks like_dish. must remember to ask paul (my collegue) for quicktime liaos......

went to one.u today foR iDeas shoPping,called dee earlier 3 times and a txt but no reply. bro's been complainiNg about missIng notebOok foR 2 wEeks now and cant tahan hiM cOMplainIng witH my dad overheariNg. ends up spendiNg a whole chunk of the tiMe dinner-iNg at a newly-opened bbqplace_Bar BQ plaza inthe newphase, i have to tell u they have sth special there _hmms very nicely scruBbed shiny hotplate_ :P its actually a round shiny plate with the midDle slightly raised foR u to cOok the assortment of chicken_pork_beef meats (they forgotten te fish somehow) and on all around the sides is a narrow indented longkang filled with a lightchicken stock to boil the finely shredded cabbage(yums!),sliced carrots,(okays) and whole babycorn (euuws) lol. went hoMe appRox. 11 30 after collectiNg noteboOk (pHews*)...

....tired fr sittIng infront of warmchicken-stock-flavoredvapours constantly bubbling in ur face all nite..goOdnite doInks!!!

bakIng iN the mornIng rays

woke up at 7 am sharp,an insanely houR to Rise to get urself ontime to worK oN the fiRstday,but nonetheless thrilling,eHe, the anticipation

fuNny how i used to dread graduating cos i fear lOOking for a jOb,and probably findiNg none and even if i did, dread the saMe dead stagnant environment..... *yikeys*

toDay staRted pRetty well, worN my cardigan and halter(as prOmised, tee hee), had alightbreakfast, light incense on all the altars and received a lucky redpacket fr parents :P

and start off at a ridiculous 8 am!!!! thankfully reaches workplace by 8-17am and sorta waited till jessie (the receptionist open the dOOrs!) sittiNg in my caR (locked) sucking on a *chocful* waitinG waiting..till the sun rises la i suPpose. sun in sg buloh i dunno is exceptionally panas or wat-laH, but it felt like i waited all mORNING!

fiRst day but got *assignment* liao!!! given by mR chester hiMself ofcos!:P design a crystal shop with no paRticulaR concept/layout for a start!... theN lOuis (my senior-senior designer)came in and briefed me about dsx_a smaller scale of Diesel. well luckily i told louis i was given tHe crystal shop to prOpose oTheRwise i have to foLLow two projects at a tiMe, without even noeing i don have to

day cut shoRt when the pc men came in to send 2 (or was it 3) new pcs. i aM one of the lucky 2 (or was it 3) who gets to use the new pc btw! *smirks* ended up installiNg all the needed softwares and finisHing eveRything by about 5 then i left at 5-30! pHewS!

tomorrow -->>
won't be silly to wake up at 7
and won't leave home at 8
and won't reach office by 8-17 looking around for living soul to help me unlock the system ((haha))