its all about me, in my head

its due time i stop being the myself i dislike to be
time to stop, observe and re-evaluate
stop, listen, snuffle, poke my meerkat head up, down, turning it from left to right and back

stop being pretentious
stop pretending u dont mind
stop smiling
stop resuming what u havent stop doing

stop at the spot
spot on the clock
stop

stop making a big fuss
and get all that energy to better release that atleast ensures a return

stop being silly
u have got it all out
and u shud feel bad enough to have even let it out

repent

go to the tallest mountain in ss2
go to the deepest river in ss2

and may the tallest rebound the voices from reaching the lowliest of earth
and the secrets brought by the strongest of currents into the deepest of depths
and may no living creature man or woman unearth the childish find

get away thoughts
just stop, get away
get drifted far with the wind
and may my secrets be safe tucked softly in the clouds
safely tied with silver ribbons

rain should it feel burdened
and storm shud it feel provoked
tear away shud it choke
allowing rays lighten the load

andblablablablabla

what crap

its just me , all in my head
and yes, ss2 the location
being the only place which map's etched sharply in my mind

(and thats clearly stupid enough on top of all tHAt nonsense above)

Early Birds Catch tHe Nicest Worms

woKe up alarMingly without the alarM clock alarmingly ringing in my ears this mornIng!
meeting up with wen at 9 at my place before we head off to One. Utama fOr an early screening of *Pride & Prejudice*
she's one awful crazy lot of fun when i hung out with her,
which tells why we are friends since we are 14!
Kev and Yenn are suPpose to arrIve at 10, but after we collected the free ticks, they are still at Yenn's.

Movie altogether was a great one, i enjoyed it as it sounded so English, and the male and female Lead are SO made for each other as they both have dark hair. ( i mean.... SILLY! thats not the only reason of course) hehehe. it was better than i'd expected, (it was more than a pretty female lead actress_played by Knightley and a very dark brooding handsome male lead actOR, OKAYs.!)

i like Keira Knightley next to Julia Stiles. They both have that air of saRcasm and speak with an unbelievable speed with added spite(not spat!) and strength and determination! well actually i like them both just as much! Keira is the British vers. of the American Julia! lol! Alexis Bledel playing daughter in the Gilmore Girls is just similar, but she's a pixie-r, gentler, softer angelic version of these both! i don't fancy getting verbally attacked, but its cool talking in such speed, pronouncing every word precisely, stating every meaning clearly! whOa!!! for added kick sprinkle in a few pinChes of SaRcasM* lol!

had luNch at Jack's Place with me playing with my food and not really in the mood for eating. Wen and i shared a Grilled Chicken with Sour Plum Sauce with Sesame and Coriander. it sounds fancier than it looks when the waiter brought food to our table. i don believe it's plum sauce. it isn't even <--THIS_close--> to tasting tangy.

bLWUekkkk.......................................

poke at a few morsels and had a few niBbles and the rest of the tiMe was spent yaCking.
i guess talking is my favourite hoBby now (with the right company oFcos!) it was not until around 3 when we asked for the bill and headed our separate ways. sent wen home and i began heading to aunt's to pick a few *utensils*

reacHed home, got myself heading to the warDrobe first to change into comfy-er clothes (was wearing white offf-shoulders with jeans)

received a url link from dee while chatting with her.
dee and i has this thing for reading up horoscopes and laughing at how amusingly true thEse stuff can turned out to be.

and it seems that Cancers are very much like......................this! look below

Cancers ( June 21- July 22)

++ the plus side ++
You are very kind and you regard your friends like they are your family. You are very patient, gentle and compassionate to others, and are the first one to give a friend a hug when they have had a bad day. You truly care when friends tell you their problems. If you have a younger sibling, you are very protective of them because you love your family so much!

--the fLip siDe--
You tend to be on the shy side! Being shy can be a problem when you really want something and are afraid to speak up. You get your feelings hurt often, and instead of getting to the heart of the matter and fixing it, you tend to let it build up inside. It's okay to tell someone how you are feeling, and with your Cancer care, you will do it with kindness! Also, watch those mood swings!

* Likes *
your birthday remembered by friends -yeah!!! who likes to be foRgotten?
keeping a photo album -with no pictures of myself in it,cos i am SO not photogenic
hugs -comforting........
collecting things -seashells! and momentos!

* Dislikes *
those who forget names and dates -lol!
having to handle a crisis - am paniCky when it happens
yelling -dont see a point in that
losing things -or people

*Compatibility*
The Cancer/Scorpio couple makes for a dynamic and fiery(??? sounds hot doesn't it!) match! Both signs are very loyal to their family and friends and when they are matched together carry that loyalty into their relationships. Cancers and Scorpios are like magnets to each other. When they are together, it can seem like there is no one else in the room! But be careful of Scorpio's brooding personality can often be taken too personally by a sensitive Cancer. If they can keep that in check, these two stand a chance at a passionate and lasting romance!

ooohoo hahaa.
i am so sensitive! say sth and i will itch all over, LOL
HAHAHhhhahaha

dangz

i've also read elsewhere that Cancers are the Most Emotional stars in the ENTIRE horoscope

thats awful of that to make us Cancers look like whiny babies, hMmppph







*rajuking edi.....*


for more sensitive cancer infos, click here

the wEekend's ((merry)) itinerary

had a gOod nite rest the nite befOre, it was a loNg (but short) Boxing day (26/12/05) spent all in one place suPPosedly doiNg my model, but ending up doIng some other stuFf as well. Lunch@ BV was great, it was first time having toMyam on an empty stoMache without having to end up with gastric after that. saW soMe decoRated gingerbread housEs, they lOok toO adOrable a buNch to be muNched, all dressed up in coOkie/cereal rOofs and windows, M&M's, marshmallows, caNdies, chOcolate brIck walls, coloured croquant floors!! so sacchariNe-loaded!! (shivers like jelly now, lol)

started woRk afteR lunch, redrawed my 1st and 2nd floOr plan, trace again with gRids, plot points onto my board, cut, paste, but looking at it i've only done so .... little! dangz! Had a very simple yet unusual dinner, steamed chicken (stuffed with red dates) with boiled potatoes in jackets and butterhead lettuce salad! lol. having dinner without rice for a change at friend's place :) thaNk you tedDy for cOoking for us! *grIns*

drove home at approx 10pm feeling a feeling i havent felt before. it wasnt tired or exhausted. it was a contented feeling. the sort that leaves u breathing calmly, suddenly driving home isn't something i dread doing, or woRrying what lies beyond ready to leap on me at the destination. suddenly all these don't matter anymore, puzzles me. lol

toDay i chatted with dee agaiN and she sent me some piCcies that werE taken with her camera. so i decided to post some in toDay's entry as a certain teDdy complained about reading a *boring* bloggie with no visuals.

meant to blog about the field trip to pd and chRistmas diNner but i guess i am tOo lazy now trying to recall so i'll just let the piccIes do the talkiNg... well here's one taken in Port Dickson when we'd just arrIved! dee so Can't wait to take pictures but this was a quiCk one by ouR fren anNisa! everyone just wHipped out theiR cameras and start clicking away!

in Port Dickson....................................

dee & i at PD when we arRived, steppiNg on a whOle lot of pine/durian cones. ummm. foot massage anyone?

can u see hair getting into my mouth? lol. that was the wiNd! it was blowing at (seemingly every direction) because wherever i stand, my hair lOoked blowN asKew!!!

the weather was great as the clouds are doiNg a supErb job curtaining the rays of sun. the pouR earlier helped made the beach breeze cooler too. it was a happy day to hop and frolick by the shore, kicking the sand and getting washed by the waVes...

after much exploring, we settled for an area to stack our belongings and were split into groups. We have about 4 juniors in our group of 8 and our fIrst tasK was to complete a saNdcastle within an hour, resembling as much as the oRiginal building, as detailed as can be.

Was the slowest group to start as we had no clue what building to build. No Petronas Twin Towers or Eiffel ToweR or Chrysler Building!!! then Megna came along and decided to join us in our sandcastle building, she suggested a certain *city ruins of the Mohhenjo-Daro* we knew it is NOT a building but we all knew how easy it is to build a ruin!(no matter how DETAILED! haha) the lecturers aka the judges (suRprisingly) approved of our *building* so we started runNing to and fro fetching water in pails, diggIng, softening the sand, making a good mix with seawater, erecting the buildings and making it as *ruin-ish* as possible! The cylindical tower makes it the hardest to build as dee and alEx had to build and rebuild over a number of times just to get it stand! 3 parts of sand to 1 parts of water......... or it it 2:2???? errr...

higgledied - piggledied mass of sand - the city ruins of Mohhenjo-Daro! does that look like early civilisation to u???

Although we didn't win the best sandcastle, but we didnt bag the woRst either! *phews* lol. the group who lost is going to get buried in sand! but it turned out we don have all time diGGing for the 8 of them so kenji and wayNe will just do as pRoud rePresentatiVes, lol. don't have the pic at the mo, but its hilarIous when u get to see it, readers under 18, u aRe ForBidden! lol

came across thEse crab holes(homes) while strolling by the beacH! resEmble a lot like the *tong yuens* i made that morning, albeit not in that muddy colour..silly!

a self-taken piccy of meself!! HaiR askew-again!!!! the wiNd is eveRywHere! definitely not a place for wigs...

was a great trip altogether, i just forgotten one thing and it was my sunblock, everything else was just nice, the company, food, activities, weather

i just SO don't like my lobster appearance now, thats all. lol

on Christmas Eve.........................................

dee & i,on our way to midvalley foR christmas eve dinner..i am so blackenned!!!!!! arGHhh

dee and i, (again) all decked in white for the white christmas!! a few falling snowflakes will just complete the beautiful atmosphere :)

hanging icicles, frOzen froNds, barren tWigs, an elfin cottage, trees laden with pretty baUbles and twinkling fairylights in the Centre Court of Midvalley Megamall.

this is dee and i again!!! lol! we loOk great thanks to the photographer, the lighting, the decoration and that idiot whose body partially came in and ruin the whole thIng lol

at San Francisco's Steakhouse...............................

camera is every gurl's best companion........not mine! taken by dee,i cant even hold a camera still for a decent picture......

satiated, satisfied and filled to the briM...laurie's had his hand over his pot belly,lol!!

the three stooges -Victor, Kwooi & Laurie

on the other side:: dee, i and wats

victor :: all i want for christmas is my.........N70 (miraculously Fishes it out from his pOcket, ta-Da!)

all in all the dinner was... okay.. except for the turkey i guess, which was supposed to be tonight's highlight anyway. staffs in SFS don't seem to be able to diFfer chop from slice. i guess no more SFS next year, we'll head elsewhere where people understand english better, and spare us from having chopped turkey serve in a plate as they would when you visit a chicken rice shop...... no chicken rice for another consecutive year....

as the hour is still early, and i have to be home before the clock strike midnite, footman turned into mouse, car turns to pumpkin (poor wats), and we have yet still exchanged pressies, so we head to Friendster Cafe for a second round, (before they head for a 4th and 5th and 6th....)

we had the pressies all laid out with number labels and for 2 times wats toOk his own number. i dUnno how lucky he is, till the 3rd and final time, i tOok his number! Lucky me lol! there's a snowglobe, a fanCy stuFfed clock, a kungfu kick-ass keychain,bodem coffee mugs, liquer chocs and dOggieshaped calendar!!!! we each tooK a *bottle* of liquoR from Vic's pressie and drank to ...er... (i can't remember, but was it the merrIest chRistmas?!) lol!

at Friendster Cafe.....................................

wats :: A cloCk!!!??!! u wanna me to die-AR????? (roars with laughter)
while uncle octi stares into his very own dreamy space........

i & dee :: sharing a very cool blended Peach Friendstercino

to cap off the memorable nite, i was given a pressie and was told to open in when clock strike midnite! i hope its something that stops me from being Cinderella!!! :> lol

well nothing like that, but something really sweet! an entertwiNed two heart pendant and a chain ;) awww.. thaNks for the gift teDdy... hugshugs

[[MerRy]] cHristMas.

lol, the paRtY has just beguN.
and happily i am seated in my liVing rooM, watChing Secret Window (i am so scared, wince) HAHAH
laughiNg at those people who excitedly bounce and danCe to the rhythm of loud music,
and yeaH i mean Stuffed together like sardines wrIgliNg in theiR tins,
HOw LOL-!

just me and the soUR grape syNdrome , Lol
this year is yet another year,(i have tURNED 21, but accOrding to parents, it doesnt MEAN i have TURNED into a responsible person... and bla blabla)
they are the first set of parents who make clubbing seeM like aN illegal and despicable activity< (not to mention make other Parents lOok bad) by sayiNg..

"We love u, and care enough to woRry u'll get into trouble.. u noe people thEse days are very mean, and we doN't want u to bump into them" and Blablablabla BlAA

foolishly they believe that ONLY in tHese plaCes i WILL buMp into tHese people (who have bad intentions oR whatsoever) and they thiNk i am a 4year old, defenseless and hopeless in the midst of this people.

oh yeah... so EVERY other parent in the woRld care less of theiR children's safety and doN't love them enough to stop them huh..... oh yea nice try
try that on my 15year old cousin bro_he'll holler sth nasty onto ur face

HULLO!! i have been to the nastIest plaCes and back,in a pieCe so whats wrOng with goinG to parTy with group of trusty frens who are there to loOk out for me..
and yaDa yada yada.. " You will neveR know what they will do when they are drunk....thiNgs get outta hand sometImes"
oh yeah gOod poiNt.!
i want to read that as * it is unsafe to drink and drive* but instead i see a RED SIGNPOST clearly hollering at me * u might get unwantedly pregnant* (or pregnantly unwanted????)

and now they make everYONE else in the woRLd look like animals (my close buddies included)
and thanks dad, for the clear hints
while they ARE the only angels, halo, feather wings and all
not to mention patronising
i AM defenseless (against my parents' constant shooting.....)
ssighs....

Just two Days ago, after a night out at fren's place to celebrate her biRthday and another fren's , they MAde ME look like the MOST irresponsible persoN on earth by sayiNg,
" I told u to come back early, and u came back past 12 last nite, and was on the phone till about 1am"
" Do u noe how woRRied i aM when tHe hoUse is left defenseless waiting for u to be hoMe without the alarM system activated? "
" i Cant slEep all nite till it's switched on u noe that, it makes me wOrry"
" People can just come in and break into the house while everyone is asleep U NOE THAT (and god noes what u are doiNg out there, taking weed i hope not)

i get the indication that THe safEty of THE HOUSE is their main concern now
and logically, if i explain to them why i am late,
it is not goiNg to help me fall back on
or make my house a less susceptible victim of RObbery!

so..
whats the point of explaining really
....


thats so much of me that i have shared today

after all. its the season of giving and sharing....

yeaH, before i forget
MeRRy ChristMas & a Happy New yeaR

every chRistmas eve...

its the mOrniNg of chrIstmas eVe,
woNdereD how it will feel like in UK rite now. (lol)

dreamiNg heh
now in Malaysia, had a great gatheriNg the 2 nitess before
at suewen's place! (she talks in pence and pounds and snow and how-NICE-UK-REALLY-is)
its the first time we have gathered as a whole group siNce year 2001!
thats a whole lot 5years,
fortunately i doN see 5 years of age on these faces!
they all lOOked practically the same
but most noted i loOk alot healthier since the lasttime they saw me (yes, i had a bad sun tan from PD earlier)
LOL!
left albeit late around 12, as we stayed to siNg yet(another biRthday soNg)to sHihui (dec 23rd baby)
pOpped estheR and shihui back to theiR nests and begaN to head to mY own after that
reachEd hoMe aPproX 12-25, (thats an HOUR past my curfew,!!)
and dad was (obviously) wasnt very pleased with that
but i maDe no eFForT to look upset when he was *sarcastically* bringing it up over dinner (with mum) which WAS indeed a mean THING to do, cos then i hear mum yammerINg after hIm...
i just kept a straight face, lol
doN't want the slightest smallest thIngs to affect my temperaments.
cos it wasnt in very good shape really

with people making last minute plans and not really informing me about it
i've had it with last year, won't put up with it this year
will just ignore things(or people) that upset me
and focus on things that delights me (like my couRsework, bLWeUk!)
and thanks to myself for reminding, yikey

has something to loOk forward to this evening
(shove the bad thoughts sue, shove it back)
lol
talking to myself does help
esp when no one understands the *sue language. lol

this is so much of depression on eve's morninG
(shove it back again....)!

will blog about tonIte's diNner
till theN, sEe ya!
and Have a MeRry Little Xmas.!!!!!!

feel bored guilty, AGAIN!

have a new layout officially launched on Sunday night
i don;t know how much i like it, because it is just one day siNce i have looked at it
probably get bored with it in a few weeks time
the previous layout lasted a good few months :)

i have grown to love purPle now, used to looK at it in a disgusting way
like octopus puke or sth :)
oddly its suppose to be a dark colour, but the darker the colour gets
the more vibrant it appears to my eyes
(am i hallucinating?)
but i adoRe the colouR now,
and that is why i'd include it as the main theme in my layout.
simple (just tWeAk the colouR!)

went to college around 3this noon
mum decided to let me drive toDay because my ttrl is just a good half an hour
and she is far toO busy to stay a gOOd half an hoUr theRe till it fiNishes.
she's leaving for thailand toMorrow morning, she and my 2nd sis.
loOking at the breaking news scares me,
apparently at my aunt's place,(which is in Jitra) the waters from the flood has risen to about more that 5 ft high?
honestly i don't know if she's exagerrating oR not beCause i pictUred it lOOking rather riDiculous,
from the serious tone of hers, she and my cousins had definitely shifted to another aunt's place on a higher ground, leaving the belongings at home, one the FIRst FLoOR!!!!!
i am now picturIng the halF suBmeRged hoUse.
and a lanDsCape of Jitra with One stOrey hoUses in a Huge huGe sea of nescafe-coloured water. eeuws (and btw,she stays in a double stoRey semi detached)
kedah is not a long way from Thailand
But Chiangmai and Chiangrai is a goOd distaNce from the flat plains..
lets hope it is like what i think it is...
mum maDe lasagne and blueberry cheesecake for us toDay!!!!
teehee!! scared we starved to death at home without her!!!
but who's complaining about haviNg lasagne aNYTIME we want!!
The woRld's best soMemOre!!!! lol!
thanK mmy!! (short for mummy)
(she makes the woRld's best vege dumpling, blackforest cake, orange chocolate mousse, her signature cendolcake-fav among my closest frens!! and not forgettiNg lasagNe ofcos!!!:)
lucky dad for having her, and lucky us as her children:)
unlucky us when she gets ganas
ooooOOoo - cabBBuuutttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!

i hope we have lasagne left for her when she comes back
because she reckons its the best she'd tasted so far!!!! lol
poor mum n phengs....
i heard thai food gives u diarrhea HAHAHAHAHA
(thats for phengs cos she's just recovered from diarrhea from her trip to PangkoR)
she looks a LOT more slender now,
maybe i shud do sth..... *ngekNgekNgek* (evil laughter)

more assignment suBmssions to anticipate
less people at home
quieter environment
frozen yuMMies in the friDge

Pd trip on 22nd
christmas eve diNner in saN francisco's
gathering with frens

simply too much

i thInk i will just have nothing but the last 2 days!
thats so much for wishful thINking
put that to better use for inspiring design ideas

and......................... back to assignments
*roaRs!~

i sat dowN chiN on my haNds wanderiNg to a laNd far Far far away......

Destiny's Hand by Mandy

How can I begin to explain what my heart wants you to know
I stumble over my words and can't express it even though,
You make my world revolve around a picture perfect dream
That in itself is more I know than maybe what it seems.
Gathering the many thoughts of you I write it out in verse
I have fallen victim of the final soul mates curse.
To be in love and be apart is the hardest thing to do
I wish for a time that I can spend eternity with you.
And though you tell me patience is a virtue I should learn
Its not the being impatient part that holds to my concern
Its the distance that we strive to close each and every day
It's knowing that you want me and love me the same way.
It's the way you've shown me how to smile no matter what the time
The way my heart has found a way to say to you in rhyme
The way you always seem to know exactly what to say
Oh how I wish that in my heart forever you would stay
I know that we have just begin this journey of our soul
But I had to let you know how your love has made me whole
I had to make it clear to you that what I sense is fate
My heart wants you to know now, before it is too late
That when you feel you're ready to journey down this road
I’ll help you carry burdens, I'll half the heavy load
The next step we take together for all the world to see
That I was made just for you and you were made for me

p/s: many thx to cheat keong who sent me this poem
although it wasnt written by him, but by an anonymous writer just by the identity of *mandy*
its comforting to know that such great but gentle wOrds that can soothe and help heal the heart..