silVer liNiNg in eVeRy cLoud?

added a brand new soNg i heaRd over the waVes few days baCk just lately,
has a shatteriNg fRustratiNg note to it, and its helpiNg me scReaM my feelINgs that have been kept pent up in myself for weeks now
thats a gReat feeliNg haviNg it released w/out causing chaos at hoMe ( pHews..)

i was stariNg into emptyness when somethiNg shiny that lOOks like a neat buNdle oF shimmeRing tHread caught my eyes. like fine woven silver droplets, reflecting every ray of sunlight. lil rainbows. make beliefs. illusion. mirage. i am seeing and conjuring all this behind my wateRy eyes.

i looked intently at it. closer. nearer, and finally CLeaRer.
yes. this was the precious gift i had once lost few montHs back
a gift from someone dear

i found it back again
afteR loOKing woRRiedly every nook and cranny of the house for 2wholeweeks
once a friend told me, "What's lost is meant to be lost"
but, i did not give up hope
i know with a feeling in my heart that if i keep on searching i will find it,

yes i did!
in the most unexpected place (bliMey!)
from that day onwards
i kept it safely, i wear it as frequent as i could
and won't it out of my sight
for fear of losing it again

this tiny trinket has been a constant reminder to me since its lost(and found.. )
and the lost of the person who gave it to me
i know i believe coincidence too much to give it a 2nd thought
but coincidences which happens twice cant be merely just coincidence..

4 years ago, i lost an object
an object which signifies a 3-year relationship of trust, faith, love and friendship
as ironically as it sounds, the relationship went down into the black murky waters,
as the bracelet had, when i was riNsing charcoal residue off my hands
i believe it was a bad omen, like a warniNg something isnt goINg as right as it was expected to be.

toDay i hold my 2nd bracelet, letting it frolick in my palm like drops of molten metal
and i am thaNkful i havent seen a pool of darkness surrounding it,
or even trying to taRnisH its brilliance, its purity and hope that it briNgs to me
puts back faith in believing,

but believiNg ....

what is believing the impossible ?

does believing in it makes it reachable?

does believing makes it real ..?

does believing make it possible?

today i stand where i am now
thaNkful for whatever that had been or had happened
regardless of how bad/good things may have turned out
for as much as our own decisions deteRmines iN creatINg the sharpest of turns or the smoothest of journeys
we have to face tHe consequences that lies in waiting for us
as each different route leads to yet another destination
unluckily this time we got lost
loSt looking for the "destination"
existiNg only in our own minds, but not on the maps
have we been in the daydream too loNg,
only to be awoken by the nightmare than shook us hard and mercilessly?
have we been blind all this while
or are they as real as we want them to be
before that foot-thick monster started making itself (un)comfortably cushioned in between tHe minute iNch-tHick gap that oNce exist.

life is precious
like a thin line of silver thread
it could snap into two
and be gone forever
i am grateful he's still here, not as who he used to be
but as a friend
i am grateful he is still alive
breathing the same air i breathe, treading on the same ground i walk on
doing the things that make him and people around him proud and happy,
and making differences in people's lives ( mine very much included)
and improving day by day to be a better person,
not for what he is not,
but by remaining the same person he oways was,
succeediNg in everythiNg he does and deserving the happiness he's seekiNg foR,
i believe he will ..


________________________________________________

i dread writing the end of an entry
for it keeps getting back to me that i might have missed out something important...

..

i'll keep that safe in my memorybox for another day's entry
but thats all foR now

(( xoxoxo ))

waViNg the whIte fLag

do u wonder why sometimes u are surrounded inside out with a certain emotion
then a certain soNg comes along
and theN wHaM! it just hits u right there
and there's no turNing back really
i thought it is a normal response to avoid getting pained
just as simply as getting blown by a certain tune, melody or words
but just as i was listeniNg to it a work
i knew i had to come back with that soNg playing inmy pc while i am doing my work
i am uncertain whats making me letting me doing this to myself
but i guess i am enjoying the pain as much as i wanna rid it
again, maybe this is a great way to get myself accustomed to pain till
all that is felt is just an empty numbness
and a smile is as easy as faking a smile, unfeeling, cold and artificial

funny i didnt realise how much this song meant all this while
although dido was sorta an all time favourite
she just has a sorta husky mellow and motherly voice that soothes
and this time she'd just delivered the soNg perfectly
with a spRinkle of melancholy
its perfeCt

. :: Dido_White Flag :: .

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
I'll tell you that
But if I didn't say it
Well, I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess
And destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "It's over"
Then I'm sure that that makes sense

Well I will go down with this ship And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
As I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

aUg 31st! soMe inDepeNdence day...

i was beiNg crabby the whole nite
i was crimson from neck up,talking lots of cra(p) and pinching
(poor wats)
it was okay the first 15 mins after the last sip
but after that i start feeling the heat rose to my neck and slowly seeping into my OREDy rosy complexion
darnedest
was barely a full mug
and there i go bragging i had 3.. and a Quarter
lols
i start to notice how severe it was not untill
i paid a visit to the loo in(in hartamas's cristo)
trust me the washroom is miniscule for a place/crowd like that
i saw an octopus looking back at me in the reflection,
oh dangz
patting my face with water didnt help
in fact i think its gonna help it get worse
so i gave up
i walk back hobbling miserably on my heels
tipsy BUT miserable
i tot i was suppose to get tipsy high and i;ll be laughing my ass off
but not this time

i like lastyear's merdeka eve
although we were walking all over town
blistery toes and soles
but there were at least more than the 6 of us

time does feel like it flies
i recall what happened some 10 days ago from today's date
and it feels like it happened a month ago
woNder what makes it seemed like a century ago when my time with loved one
just ticks away with extraordinary speed
just a wink then the moment has to end

tiMe with family just remain at a standstill no matter how mucH tiMe i have with them
probably we have less conversations, thus the lack of comMunication, less glances, less expRessioN , and eventually less trust
but time standiNg still doesnt mean i could take time for granted and think it is actually standing still
it was actually never standing still
it was ever moving
at a steady pace
it was just me
me in my slower pace
i have to catch up somehow
or it will ever seem standing still for me
like things never are gonna change

when time does freeze it doesnt mean time wasnt wasted
the thIng about me assuming it never really moved was probably i was too reluctant and stubborn and strong headed to make it move in the first place
i cant do much with wasted time which i assumed was frozen time
but i can do a lot with time that is ahead of me
available for me to make changes for myself, people around me and my environment

i am just imagining life with no tomorrow
no more time
there's just not enough time

......

gettiNg bLue-BlaCks eAsiLy

Natasha Bedingfield has released a moving and heartfelt track called
“I bruise easily” and sings that she wants to be “handled with care”.

As the lyrics suggest, all of us can bruise easily when we open ourselves up to a relationship. The trouble is, life is made up of relationships whether it be with family, friends, partners or children, they all make or break our world – and how
fragile that world seems at times!

Here at Connect, we see many people who have had their world broken or damaged and although most of the bruises they sustain are emotional ones that cannot be seen, they are, nevertheless, just as painful.

But there is hope. It is possible to heal and move on, to develop and change. Counselling can sometimes be a way of finding a way through life’s problems.

From the feedback we get from former clients – it can make an enormous difference. We may not be dealing with physical injuries but the pain and desperation is just as real. The following quote is used, by permission, from a client who actually describes her emotional hurts in a physical sense;

“After months of hard, intensive soul-searching where raw wounds were opened up even further, I can finally say that I am leaving you with only a few sticky plasters. The scars, I know, will remain, but the searing pain is now a manageable dull ache. Connect, like an antibiotic, has enabled me to heal.” _but antibiotic leaves a horrible aftertaste_danGz

If you have been bruised and want some help, call Connect on 01276 24210; we care for all kinds of Problems, for individuals, couples and families.

:< :< :< :< :< :< :,< :'{ ;.<

seriously maybe i shud drop them a line or sth.......

i hear it singing from ur heart and it hurts so much to noe its as painful for u as it is for me
thank u for sharing this beautiful song with me

_sad yet beautiful_like the sunset

hoping sun will rise tomorrow

______:: i bruise easily ::_______

My skin is like a map
of where my heart has been
And i cant hide the marks
its not a negative thing
So i let down my guard
drop my defences down by my clothes
i'm learning to fall with no safety net to cushion the blow

[Chorus]
I bruise easily so be gentle when u handle me
There's a mark you leave
Like a love heart carved on a tree
I bruise easily
Cant scratch the surface without moving me underneath
I bruise easily
I bruise easily

I found your fingerprints on a glass of wine
Do you know you're leaving them all over this heart of mine too
But if i never take this leap of faith
I'll never know
So I'm learning to fall with no safety net to cushion the blow

[Chorus]

Anyone who can touch you
can hurt you or heal u

Anyone who can reach you
can love you or leave u

So be gentle...

[Chorus]

I bruise easily
I bruise easily ..

::

there's nothing that i do that makes them happy
or what i do that makes me happy they will aprrove of
and heck he asked me why it seemed i was oways against him
i was never oways agaiNst hiM!!
he was just never happy the way i am
never happy the way i look spoke act
never
and i shall never,
i will never forget his eyes
which my eyes pierced right out to drink into all its fieryness
without a feeling of guilt, or fear
but i feel the rims of my window blacken
as if darkness was claiming me,blurring my vision

as i make my way up
as my welled up emotions starting pounding on the walls
i noe i told myself i won let it out
but its starting to pound so hard i have to release them
release them of their suffocation
and mine
purging out the thick lumps that formed in my throat
i hurled them out hard
i forced out my pent up anger
feeling so broken makes me wanna break things
hurting still dead objects feels good

but i don want to
i stopped
but once i get reminded of what he says
i start the fuss all over again
water washed me clean
water washed my tears
water washed the filthiness of words that were thrown at me
water filled my stomache

i don need food
i don need anything

i just need to get the unstately looking me looking better
and i will go to work as i do everyday

i will be normal
i will be strong
i will be okay

i will

but now

i am not sure