::

there's nothing that i do that makes them happy
or what i do that makes me happy they will aprrove of
and heck he asked me why it seemed i was oways against him
i was never oways agaiNst hiM!!
he was just never happy the way i am
never happy the way i look spoke act
never
and i shall never,
i will never forget his eyes
which my eyes pierced right out to drink into all its fieryness
without a feeling of guilt, or fear
but i feel the rims of my window blacken
as if darkness was claiming me,blurring my vision

as i make my way up
as my welled up emotions starting pounding on the walls
i noe i told myself i won let it out
but its starting to pound so hard i have to release them
release them of their suffocation
and mine
purging out the thick lumps that formed in my throat
i hurled them out hard
i forced out my pent up anger
feeling so broken makes me wanna break things
hurting still dead objects feels good

but i don want to
i stopped
but once i get reminded of what he says
i start the fuss all over again
water washed me clean
water washed my tears
water washed the filthiness of words that were thrown at me
water filled my stomache

i don need food
i don need anything

i just need to get the unstately looking me looking better
and i will go to work as i do everyday

i will be normal
i will be strong
i will be okay

i will

but now

i am not sure