not noeing how to be the daughter my pareNts want me to be

therefore i shall be the daughter i wanna be then!:) Hhahahahahaha

Aurora Borealis part 2!

lol! i cant believe this, but i have finished one theMe toDay,
the Aurora one i prOmisEd yesteRday!! :>

here's showing u a sneak pEek-

..
...




...



...
hehe...
gettiNg bored befOre cny can get me inspired instantly as fast as iN a DAY!

wish its waitINg for cny over and over again!!!
at least brain juices will be flowing smOOthly and pOOr Ms.A(i hate her so much i CAN'T use heR real name) has no reasoN to not adore my worK, Ngekngek
lol!

did i mention yesterDay (maybe i was Too frustrated by it)
that i have to work oN touch-ups on my final suBmissioN last weEk?
daRn, what is the holIday then, when i have to yanK my braIn out and start milkIng the ideas out like u would do to a cow,

except u doN driNk it, but fill theM up in a nice juicy waterballoOn and aiM it bulls eyes straiGht at Ms.A's face! haha!!!!!!!!!!!

i am tired of mentioNing stupid Ms.A for now.
its just so not woRth it
i doN wanna remeMber every cny by her smug lOOk oN heR faCe eacH time i see heR
the ugliest wrInkliest manDarIN orange loOks fantastiC beside her

i am happy with my themiNg at the moment

maybe its the fRustRatiOns that geaRed up that knacK for desigNing theMes?

all i can say is eachtime i see her face in the picture window in my mind
my hands ball up in distoRted fists *roaRs

hoPefuLly don balls up Fist when i sleep later
i had a nightmaRe lastnite, don recall with whom in it but i was tossiNg the entire nite like squid on the grill
better sleep toDay i hope.

dreams of the northerN lights and fluFFy cloUds

zzZzz

Aurora Borealis

bored while i was waiting for cny to arriVe, drew aN aurora to entertain myself, ho hum

had the whole entire noon affixed to the pc, not really doINg anythiNg (as to contrary to past months afFixed to the pc fOR a reasoN!) fiGured a few trIcks usiNg pHotoshop cs while i was readiNg up tutorials posted up in Good-Tutorials.com.

its a proCess,

i get excited (when i see an interesting and very neat tricK!)

then inspired (wanNa do stH siMilaR....)

Bored (after tryiNg the uMpteeNth tiMe and the Effects arent satisfactoRy)

then giVe up

then it staRts froM step 1 again

and thats what i have came up, drawiNg me FaV!~ aurOra boReaLis!!!! and i used bLue (which is suPPosedly to bring a ratheR dull, but i'd used a viBraNt blUe fOrthis!)'

wishINg foR the bOredOM to go away,wish it away!!!!!!!

but i kept remindinG myselF that semester will start on the 13th of February and i'd better make gOod use of the hol-while-it-is-here-!!!

i'll get bacK to themIng foR the meantiMe and get one doNe befoRe the valentInes and pOst it in deviaNtart as pRomised!

an Aurora theme anyOne?:>:>:>

Joy to The Assignments in 12 Days of Torture (not ChristMas,dangz)

to support the online petition : BAN AEROSOL FOAM SPRAYS pls click ----> here
for more infos on the topic go Here
as for why i am putting that all up

more elaborations in upcoming entries

chaos peePs!
HappY neW yeaR!

its all about me, in my head

its due time i stop being the myself i dislike to be
time to stop, observe and re-evaluate
stop, listen, snuffle, poke my meerkat head up, down, turning it from left to right and back

stop being pretentious
stop pretending u dont mind
stop smiling
stop resuming what u havent stop doing

stop at the spot
spot on the clock
stop

stop making a big fuss
and get all that energy to better release that atleast ensures a return

stop being silly
u have got it all out
and u shud feel bad enough to have even let it out

repent

go to the tallest mountain in ss2
go to the deepest river in ss2

and may the tallest rebound the voices from reaching the lowliest of earth
and the secrets brought by the strongest of currents into the deepest of depths
and may no living creature man or woman unearth the childish find

get away thoughts
just stop, get away
get drifted far with the wind
and may my secrets be safe tucked softly in the clouds
safely tied with silver ribbons

rain should it feel burdened
and storm shud it feel provoked
tear away shud it choke
allowing rays lighten the load

andblablablablabla

what crap

its just me , all in my head
and yes, ss2 the location
being the only place which map's etched sharply in my mind

(and thats clearly stupid enough on top of all tHAt nonsense above)

Early Birds Catch tHe Nicest Worms

woKe up alarMingly without the alarM clock alarmingly ringing in my ears this mornIng!
meeting up with wen at 9 at my place before we head off to One. Utama fOr an early screening of *Pride & Prejudice*
she's one awful crazy lot of fun when i hung out with her,
which tells why we are friends since we are 14!
Kev and Yenn are suPpose to arrIve at 10, but after we collected the free ticks, they are still at Yenn's.

Movie altogether was a great one, i enjoyed it as it sounded so English, and the male and female Lead are SO made for each other as they both have dark hair. ( i mean.... SILLY! thats not the only reason of course) hehehe. it was better than i'd expected, (it was more than a pretty female lead actress_played by Knightley and a very dark brooding handsome male lead actOR, OKAYs.!)

i like Keira Knightley next to Julia Stiles. They both have that air of saRcasm and speak with an unbelievable speed with added spite(not spat!) and strength and determination! well actually i like them both just as much! Keira is the British vers. of the American Julia! lol! Alexis Bledel playing daughter in the Gilmore Girls is just similar, but she's a pixie-r, gentler, softer angelic version of these both! i don't fancy getting verbally attacked, but its cool talking in such speed, pronouncing every word precisely, stating every meaning clearly! whOa!!! for added kick sprinkle in a few pinChes of SaRcasM* lol!

had luNch at Jack's Place with me playing with my food and not really in the mood for eating. Wen and i shared a Grilled Chicken with Sour Plum Sauce with Sesame and Coriander. it sounds fancier than it looks when the waiter brought food to our table. i don believe it's plum sauce. it isn't even <--THIS_close--> to tasting tangy.

bLWUekkkk.......................................

poke at a few morsels and had a few niBbles and the rest of the tiMe was spent yaCking.
i guess talking is my favourite hoBby now (with the right company oFcos!) it was not until around 3 when we asked for the bill and headed our separate ways. sent wen home and i began heading to aunt's to pick a few *utensils*

reacHed home, got myself heading to the warDrobe first to change into comfy-er clothes (was wearing white offf-shoulders with jeans)

received a url link from dee while chatting with her.
dee and i has this thing for reading up horoscopes and laughing at how amusingly true thEse stuff can turned out to be.

and it seems that Cancers are very much like......................this! look below

Cancers ( June 21- July 22)

++ the plus side ++
You are very kind and you regard your friends like they are your family. You are very patient, gentle and compassionate to others, and are the first one to give a friend a hug when they have had a bad day. You truly care when friends tell you their problems. If you have a younger sibling, you are very protective of them because you love your family so much!

--the fLip siDe--
You tend to be on the shy side! Being shy can be a problem when you really want something and are afraid to speak up. You get your feelings hurt often, and instead of getting to the heart of the matter and fixing it, you tend to let it build up inside. It's okay to tell someone how you are feeling, and with your Cancer care, you will do it with kindness! Also, watch those mood swings!

* Likes *
your birthday remembered by friends -yeah!!! who likes to be foRgotten?
keeping a photo album -with no pictures of myself in it,cos i am SO not photogenic
hugs -comforting........
collecting things -seashells! and momentos!

* Dislikes *
those who forget names and dates -lol!
having to handle a crisis - am paniCky when it happens
yelling -dont see a point in that
losing things -or people

*Compatibility*
The Cancer/Scorpio couple makes for a dynamic and fiery(??? sounds hot doesn't it!) match! Both signs are very loyal to their family and friends and when they are matched together carry that loyalty into their relationships. Cancers and Scorpios are like magnets to each other. When they are together, it can seem like there is no one else in the room! But be careful of Scorpio's brooding personality can often be taken too personally by a sensitive Cancer. If they can keep that in check, these two stand a chance at a passionate and lasting romance!

ooohoo hahaa.
i am so sensitive! say sth and i will itch all over, LOL
HAHAHhhhahaha

dangz

i've also read elsewhere that Cancers are the Most Emotional stars in the ENTIRE horoscope

thats awful of that to make us Cancers look like whiny babies, hMmppph







*rajuking edi.....*


for more sensitive cancer infos, click here

the wEekend's ((merry)) itinerary

had a gOod nite rest the nite befOre, it was a loNg (but short) Boxing day (26/12/05) spent all in one place suPPosedly doiNg my model, but ending up doIng some other stuFf as well. Lunch@ BV was great, it was first time having toMyam on an empty stoMache without having to end up with gastric after that. saW soMe decoRated gingerbread housEs, they lOok toO adOrable a buNch to be muNched, all dressed up in coOkie/cereal rOofs and windows, M&M's, marshmallows, caNdies, chOcolate brIck walls, coloured croquant floors!! so sacchariNe-loaded!! (shivers like jelly now, lol)

started woRk afteR lunch, redrawed my 1st and 2nd floOr plan, trace again with gRids, plot points onto my board, cut, paste, but looking at it i've only done so .... little! dangz! Had a very simple yet unusual dinner, steamed chicken (stuffed with red dates) with boiled potatoes in jackets and butterhead lettuce salad! lol. having dinner without rice for a change at friend's place :) thaNk you tedDy for cOoking for us! *grIns*

drove home at approx 10pm feeling a feeling i havent felt before. it wasnt tired or exhausted. it was a contented feeling. the sort that leaves u breathing calmly, suddenly driving home isn't something i dread doing, or woRrying what lies beyond ready to leap on me at the destination. suddenly all these don't matter anymore, puzzles me. lol

toDay i chatted with dee agaiN and she sent me some piCcies that werE taken with her camera. so i decided to post some in toDay's entry as a certain teDdy complained about reading a *boring* bloggie with no visuals.

meant to blog about the field trip to pd and chRistmas diNner but i guess i am tOo lazy now trying to recall so i'll just let the piccIes do the talkiNg... well here's one taken in Port Dickson when we'd just arrIved! dee so Can't wait to take pictures but this was a quiCk one by ouR fren anNisa! everyone just wHipped out theiR cameras and start clicking away!

in Port Dickson....................................

dee & i at PD when we arRived, steppiNg on a whOle lot of pine/durian cones. ummm. foot massage anyone?

can u see hair getting into my mouth? lol. that was the wiNd! it was blowing at (seemingly every direction) because wherever i stand, my hair lOoked blowN asKew!!!

the weather was great as the clouds are doiNg a supErb job curtaining the rays of sun. the pouR earlier helped made the beach breeze cooler too. it was a happy day to hop and frolick by the shore, kicking the sand and getting washed by the waVes...

after much exploring, we settled for an area to stack our belongings and were split into groups. We have about 4 juniors in our group of 8 and our fIrst tasK was to complete a saNdcastle within an hour, resembling as much as the oRiginal building, as detailed as can be.

Was the slowest group to start as we had no clue what building to build. No Petronas Twin Towers or Eiffel ToweR or Chrysler Building!!! then Megna came along and decided to join us in our sandcastle building, she suggested a certain *city ruins of the Mohhenjo-Daro* we knew it is NOT a building but we all knew how easy it is to build a ruin!(no matter how DETAILED! haha) the lecturers aka the judges (suRprisingly) approved of our *building* so we started runNing to and fro fetching water in pails, diggIng, softening the sand, making a good mix with seawater, erecting the buildings and making it as *ruin-ish* as possible! The cylindical tower makes it the hardest to build as dee and alEx had to build and rebuild over a number of times just to get it stand! 3 parts of sand to 1 parts of water......... or it it 2:2???? errr...

higgledied - piggledied mass of sand - the city ruins of Mohhenjo-Daro! does that look like early civilisation to u???

Although we didn't win the best sandcastle, but we didnt bag the woRst either! *phews* lol. the group who lost is going to get buried in sand! but it turned out we don have all time diGGing for the 8 of them so kenji and wayNe will just do as pRoud rePresentatiVes, lol. don't have the pic at the mo, but its hilarIous when u get to see it, readers under 18, u aRe ForBidden! lol

came across thEse crab holes(homes) while strolling by the beacH! resEmble a lot like the *tong yuens* i made that morning, albeit not in that muddy colour..silly!

a self-taken piccy of meself!! HaiR askew-again!!!! the wiNd is eveRywHere! definitely not a place for wigs...

was a great trip altogether, i just forgotten one thing and it was my sunblock, everything else was just nice, the company, food, activities, weather

i just SO don't like my lobster appearance now, thats all. lol

on Christmas Eve.........................................

dee & i,on our way to midvalley foR christmas eve dinner..i am so blackenned!!!!!! arGHhh

dee and i, (again) all decked in white for the white christmas!! a few falling snowflakes will just complete the beautiful atmosphere :)

hanging icicles, frOzen froNds, barren tWigs, an elfin cottage, trees laden with pretty baUbles and twinkling fairylights in the Centre Court of Midvalley Megamall.

this is dee and i again!!! lol! we loOk great thanks to the photographer, the lighting, the decoration and that idiot whose body partially came in and ruin the whole thIng lol

at San Francisco's Steakhouse...............................

camera is every gurl's best companion........not mine! taken by dee,i cant even hold a camera still for a decent picture......

satiated, satisfied and filled to the briM...laurie's had his hand over his pot belly,lol!!

the three stooges -Victor, Kwooi & Laurie

on the other side:: dee, i and wats

victor :: all i want for christmas is my.........N70 (miraculously Fishes it out from his pOcket, ta-Da!)

all in all the dinner was... okay.. except for the turkey i guess, which was supposed to be tonight's highlight anyway. staffs in SFS don't seem to be able to diFfer chop from slice. i guess no more SFS next year, we'll head elsewhere where people understand english better, and spare us from having chopped turkey serve in a plate as they would when you visit a chicken rice shop...... no chicken rice for another consecutive year....

as the hour is still early, and i have to be home before the clock strike midnite, footman turned into mouse, car turns to pumpkin (poor wats), and we have yet still exchanged pressies, so we head to Friendster Cafe for a second round, (before they head for a 4th and 5th and 6th....)

we had the pressies all laid out with number labels and for 2 times wats toOk his own number. i dUnno how lucky he is, till the 3rd and final time, i tOok his number! Lucky me lol! there's a snowglobe, a fanCy stuFfed clock, a kungfu kick-ass keychain,bodem coffee mugs, liquer chocs and dOggieshaped calendar!!!! we each tooK a *bottle* of liquoR from Vic's pressie and drank to ...er... (i can't remember, but was it the merrIest chRistmas?!) lol!

at Friendster Cafe.....................................

wats :: A cloCk!!!??!! u wanna me to die-AR????? (roars with laughter)
while uncle octi stares into his very own dreamy space........

i & dee :: sharing a very cool blended Peach Friendstercino

to cap off the memorable nite, i was given a pressie and was told to open in when clock strike midnite! i hope its something that stops me from being Cinderella!!! :> lol

well nothing like that, but something really sweet! an entertwiNed two heart pendant and a chain ;) awww.. thaNks for the gift teDdy... hugshugs

[[MerRy]] cHristMas.

lol, the paRtY has just beguN.
and happily i am seated in my liVing rooM, watChing Secret Window (i am so scared, wince) HAHAH
laughiNg at those people who excitedly bounce and danCe to the rhythm of loud music,
and yeaH i mean Stuffed together like sardines wrIgliNg in theiR tins,
HOw LOL-!

just me and the soUR grape syNdrome , Lol
this year is yet another year,(i have tURNED 21, but accOrding to parents, it doesnt MEAN i have TURNED into a responsible person... and bla blabla)
they are the first set of parents who make clubbing seeM like aN illegal and despicable activity< (not to mention make other Parents lOok bad) by sayiNg..

"We love u, and care enough to woRry u'll get into trouble.. u noe people thEse days are very mean, and we doN't want u to bump into them" and Blablablabla BlAA

foolishly they believe that ONLY in tHese plaCes i WILL buMp into tHese people (who have bad intentions oR whatsoever) and they thiNk i am a 4year old, defenseless and hopeless in the midst of this people.

oh yeah... so EVERY other parent in the woRld care less of theiR children's safety and doN't love them enough to stop them huh..... oh yea nice try
try that on my 15year old cousin bro_he'll holler sth nasty onto ur face

HULLO!! i have been to the nastIest plaCes and back,in a pieCe so whats wrOng with goinG to parTy with group of trusty frens who are there to loOk out for me..
and yaDa yada yada.. " You will neveR know what they will do when they are drunk....thiNgs get outta hand sometImes"
oh yeah gOod poiNt.!
i want to read that as * it is unsafe to drink and drive* but instead i see a RED SIGNPOST clearly hollering at me * u might get unwantedly pregnant* (or pregnantly unwanted????)

and now they make everYONE else in the woRLd look like animals (my close buddies included)
and thanks dad, for the clear hints
while they ARE the only angels, halo, feather wings and all
not to mention patronising
i AM defenseless (against my parents' constant shooting.....)
ssighs....

Just two Days ago, after a night out at fren's place to celebrate her biRthday and another fren's , they MAde ME look like the MOST irresponsible persoN on earth by sayiNg,
" I told u to come back early, and u came back past 12 last nite, and was on the phone till about 1am"
" Do u noe how woRRied i aM when tHe hoUse is left defenseless waiting for u to be hoMe without the alarM system activated? "
" i Cant slEep all nite till it's switched on u noe that, it makes me wOrry"
" People can just come in and break into the house while everyone is asleep U NOE THAT (and god noes what u are doiNg out there, taking weed i hope not)

i get the indication that THe safEty of THE HOUSE is their main concern now
and logically, if i explain to them why i am late,
it is not goiNg to help me fall back on
or make my house a less susceptible victim of RObbery!

so..
whats the point of explaining really
....


thats so much of me that i have shared today

after all. its the season of giving and sharing....

yeaH, before i forget
MeRRy ChristMas & a Happy New yeaR

every chRistmas eve...

its the mOrniNg of chrIstmas eVe,
woNdereD how it will feel like in UK rite now. (lol)

dreamiNg heh
now in Malaysia, had a great gatheriNg the 2 nitess before
at suewen's place! (she talks in pence and pounds and snow and how-NICE-UK-REALLY-is)
its the first time we have gathered as a whole group siNce year 2001!
thats a whole lot 5years,
fortunately i doN see 5 years of age on these faces!
they all lOOked practically the same
but most noted i loOk alot healthier since the lasttime they saw me (yes, i had a bad sun tan from PD earlier)
LOL!
left albeit late around 12, as we stayed to siNg yet(another biRthday soNg)to sHihui (dec 23rd baby)
pOpped estheR and shihui back to theiR nests and begaN to head to mY own after that
reachEd hoMe aPproX 12-25, (thats an HOUR past my curfew,!!)
and dad was (obviously) wasnt very pleased with that
but i maDe no eFForT to look upset when he was *sarcastically* bringing it up over dinner (with mum) which WAS indeed a mean THING to do, cos then i hear mum yammerINg after hIm...
i just kept a straight face, lol
doN't want the slightest smallest thIngs to affect my temperaments.
cos it wasnt in very good shape really

with people making last minute plans and not really informing me about it
i've had it with last year, won't put up with it this year
will just ignore things(or people) that upset me
and focus on things that delights me (like my couRsework, bLWeUk!)
and thanks to myself for reminding, yikey

has something to loOk forward to this evening
(shove the bad thoughts sue, shove it back)
lol
talking to myself does help
esp when no one understands the *sue language. lol

this is so much of depression on eve's morninG
(shove it back again....)!

will blog about tonIte's diNner
till theN, sEe ya!
and Have a MeRry Little Xmas.!!!!!!

feel bored guilty, AGAIN!

have a new layout officially launched on Sunday night
i don;t know how much i like it, because it is just one day siNce i have looked at it
probably get bored with it in a few weeks time
the previous layout lasted a good few months :)

i have grown to love purPle now, used to looK at it in a disgusting way
like octopus puke or sth :)
oddly its suppose to be a dark colour, but the darker the colour gets
the more vibrant it appears to my eyes
(am i hallucinating?)
but i adoRe the colouR now,
and that is why i'd include it as the main theme in my layout.
simple (just tWeAk the colouR!)

went to college around 3this noon
mum decided to let me drive toDay because my ttrl is just a good half an hour
and she is far toO busy to stay a gOOd half an hoUr theRe till it fiNishes.
she's leaving for thailand toMorrow morning, she and my 2nd sis.
loOking at the breaking news scares me,
apparently at my aunt's place,(which is in Jitra) the waters from the flood has risen to about more that 5 ft high?
honestly i don't know if she's exagerrating oR not beCause i pictUred it lOOking rather riDiculous,
from the serious tone of hers, she and my cousins had definitely shifted to another aunt's place on a higher ground, leaving the belongings at home, one the FIRst FLoOR!!!!!
i am now picturIng the halF suBmeRged hoUse.
and a lanDsCape of Jitra with One stOrey hoUses in a Huge huGe sea of nescafe-coloured water. eeuws (and btw,she stays in a double stoRey semi detached)
kedah is not a long way from Thailand
But Chiangmai and Chiangrai is a goOd distaNce from the flat plains..
lets hope it is like what i think it is...
mum maDe lasagne and blueberry cheesecake for us toDay!!!!
teehee!! scared we starved to death at home without her!!!
but who's complaining about haviNg lasagne aNYTIME we want!!
The woRld's best soMemOre!!!! lol!
thanK mmy!! (short for mummy)
(she makes the woRld's best vege dumpling, blackforest cake, orange chocolate mousse, her signature cendolcake-fav among my closest frens!! and not forgettiNg lasagNe ofcos!!!:)
lucky dad for having her, and lucky us as her children:)
unlucky us when she gets ganas
ooooOOoo - cabBBuuutttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!

i hope we have lasagne left for her when she comes back
because she reckons its the best she'd tasted so far!!!! lol
poor mum n phengs....
i heard thai food gives u diarrhea HAHAHAHAHA
(thats for phengs cos she's just recovered from diarrhea from her trip to PangkoR)
she looks a LOT more slender now,
maybe i shud do sth..... *ngekNgekNgek* (evil laughter)

more assignment suBmssions to anticipate
less people at home
quieter environment
frozen yuMMies in the friDge

Pd trip on 22nd
christmas eve diNner in saN francisco's
gathering with frens

simply too much

i thInk i will just have nothing but the last 2 days!
thats so much for wishful thINking
put that to better use for inspiring design ideas

and......................... back to assignments
*roaRs!~

i sat dowN chiN on my haNds wanderiNg to a laNd far Far far away......

Destiny's Hand by Mandy

How can I begin to explain what my heart wants you to know
I stumble over my words and can't express it even though,
You make my world revolve around a picture perfect dream
That in itself is more I know than maybe what it seems.
Gathering the many thoughts of you I write it out in verse
I have fallen victim of the final soul mates curse.
To be in love and be apart is the hardest thing to do
I wish for a time that I can spend eternity with you.
And though you tell me patience is a virtue I should learn
Its not the being impatient part that holds to my concern
Its the distance that we strive to close each and every day
It's knowing that you want me and love me the same way.
It's the way you've shown me how to smile no matter what the time
The way my heart has found a way to say to you in rhyme
The way you always seem to know exactly what to say
Oh how I wish that in my heart forever you would stay
I know that we have just begin this journey of our soul
But I had to let you know how your love has made me whole
I had to make it clear to you that what I sense is fate
My heart wants you to know now, before it is too late
That when you feel you're ready to journey down this road
I’ll help you carry burdens, I'll half the heavy load
The next step we take together for all the world to see
That I was made just for you and you were made for me

p/s: many thx to cheat keong who sent me this poem
although it wasnt written by him, but by an anonymous writer just by the identity of *mandy*
its comforting to know that such great but gentle wOrds that can soothe and help heal the heart..

letHargiC

doNt have the time to bLog nowAdays.
i love my life
i love myself
but i lack sleep
and i open my eyes wakiNg up to a new day..
with gastric pains..
oh,how comforting

its ail's bday toDay, Happy 21st BirTHday ail!
and wats' is toMoRRow.and he's 23!
i feel little and naive lookIng at that diffeRence numerically
but we get aloNg fIne! *wiNks

luNch maDe me feel not any betteR
it woNt make the gurgling sound go, or halt the bubBliNg cauldron inSide of me
if solids don help, liquid should

hmmphs
i giVe up


laters.

stRiKe!!!!

fOOood!!
yummies!!

we (me and Dee) shared a spaghetthi carbonara at zUUp! for luNch toDay.

yuMMies!! niCe! finger-licking delicious

received the feedback from module leader this mornIng, it wasnt very good. hMms. i definitely have to work even harder in the following stage! ganbatei to myself, i want to do better the next time.

watched the our frens play bowling when we got back from shopping! how dare they start a game at 1-20 when we actually have class at 2! the 4 goofs (and goons) performed well- lah, we had a good laugh watching them make a fool out of themselves! :>

rushed back just in time for class, thinking we are late but it turns out the lecturer was even later! she must have known us too well *winks* lol!

buMped into junwey toDay at the library after lecture, he's all decked in red like X*Mas, with a red nose and fake moose hoRns then he'd be Rudolph (as in the red-nose moose!!) hahaa! he had a hairstyle that looked as if he jumped out of bed in a haste pulled on a red-shirt and comes to col still sleepy-eyed, 'cept its already eveniNg so all traces of sleepy eye gone edi. haha!

its half past 9 nOw! this is all for toDay, wanna get glued to my teev.

.....

nites!

yuPPiedo!!!

not a good start, was in the bathroom since morning, head bent over my tummy wondering when that excruciating pain gonna go die and leave me (alive and breathing). although it was a cool morning i do not know why i am sweating but looking white. my eyes are teary. i hate it when aunty comes visit. i shall lock my door the nexttime.. :P

not very good in the afternoon too, not by the look of stormy grey clouds gathering in the sky, and after a short wait they decided to pour (like REAL haRd) they blew and blew and spatter sprays of rain and clog up drains and make the ldp look like a shallow but fast stream.

finished my presentation sheets finally, yUPPIedo! i meant to go sleep like a piggy for 12 hours staright but somehow i didn't, although the temperature cool and ideal for pigging and it would be nice after a few days to finally be able to curl in my warm cocoon, tempting huh, but NO! ended up here with an entry not going really anywhere, not makiNg really a point or making any difference. :P i hope that is not where my dissertation is going ;> which is why i have to take the available time now to check through the draft i gave to Leong on mOnday and get sumthing improVed froM there. he seemed so sure i could do it , where else i still feel like although i ve been in it so long, it doesnt seem to get me to the point of understanding it better, but the more i sink into it the more questions i ask and the bigger my headache gets, becos i havent found the answers, and i don't know when i shall.. (being whiny again)

can't wait till thuRs, cos it will be friDay soon,(meeting wen for lunCh and shoPping!) but cant wait for fri to end cos then it will be beginning of Saturday and nearer to Sunday and getting nearer to Tuesday! haha! but after tUesday i want Tuesday to stay there as loNg as pOssIble cos then if tHursday comes then friday shall and i am Back in college again on monday (no play plays oredy)

(there i go whinIng again.. stoP Sue, Stop!!)

its almost dinnertime, and i so want to watch teevee now, wanna get my eyes affixed to the fat cube for once.

wanna take a shower before dinner time cos Laurie told me once that if u do after shower, the u are bound to pile on pounds, (which explains my python-ed state)

____________________________

and for the how-many-ieth time i am listening to Kelly Clarkson's Because of You.......
(when i actually told my sis not to play that song else i will get sick of it)
...

i got a wOozy heaD, sore hand aNd achiNg back, i want my hol!

its only the 1ststage and i am owedyfeeling the tension oredy
for the past 2 days i did not sleep till 5-6 am, and i drag myself out 10-11 the next morning. i seriously have no idea how i am going to live through that continuously for the next 8 months! 'cept for hols, which i am planning to spend most of my hols with frens and myself (recuperating from sleep loss and exhaustion) the remaining time will be spent at home, hopefully peacefully harmoniously with the other members of the family. i want a quiet week off, (and its oNLY a Weeek/???? i want MOORREEE!!!)

haha. doubt i could keep the ambient athome quiet, because i am the main reason the noises came out most of the time. i hoPe i spend the one week decently and appropriately on thiNgs that i plan to do, and distributing theM equally between the days or else i shall go berserk with the remaining days doiNg absolutely nothiNg (which is a good reason why u'd ask me, why are u screamINg ur head off liDat, Sue!!!!) :P

but fiRstly, i waNt toMorrows to end quick! and foR that, i am goiNg to work quick and fast and hopefully the respond would be good. that will make me look fwd for the hols witH sth to smIle about at least :> (apart froM having to get some good rest) sth to feel glad of when i have accomplished sth. :):) i do liKe that feeliNg!!! its the same feeling in the kitchen when i attempt baking after learning and observing mum and when the results are good, u could almost see the chocolate chip cookie smiling at u with all its chips neatly arranged in an :) arch. *wiNks*

i hope i see oNe oR two choccie chip cookie smiling at me toMorrows in the studio..
*griNs* :)

silVer liNiNg in eVeRy cLoud?

added a brand new soNg i heaRd over the waVes few days baCk just lately,
has a shatteriNg fRustratiNg note to it, and its helpiNg me scReaM my feelINgs that have been kept pent up in myself for weeks now
thats a gReat feeliNg haviNg it released w/out causing chaos at hoMe ( pHews..)

i was stariNg into emptyness when somethiNg shiny that lOOks like a neat buNdle oF shimmeRing tHread caught my eyes. like fine woven silver droplets, reflecting every ray of sunlight. lil rainbows. make beliefs. illusion. mirage. i am seeing and conjuring all this behind my wateRy eyes.

i looked intently at it. closer. nearer, and finally CLeaRer.
yes. this was the precious gift i had once lost few montHs back
a gift from someone dear

i found it back again
afteR loOKing woRRiedly every nook and cranny of the house for 2wholeweeks
once a friend told me, "What's lost is meant to be lost"
but, i did not give up hope
i know with a feeling in my heart that if i keep on searching i will find it,

yes i did!
in the most unexpected place (bliMey!)
from that day onwards
i kept it safely, i wear it as frequent as i could
and won't it out of my sight
for fear of losing it again

this tiny trinket has been a constant reminder to me since its lost(and found.. )
and the lost of the person who gave it to me
i know i believe coincidence too much to give it a 2nd thought
but coincidences which happens twice cant be merely just coincidence..

4 years ago, i lost an object
an object which signifies a 3-year relationship of trust, faith, love and friendship
as ironically as it sounds, the relationship went down into the black murky waters,
as the bracelet had, when i was riNsing charcoal residue off my hands
i believe it was a bad omen, like a warniNg something isnt goINg as right as it was expected to be.

toDay i hold my 2nd bracelet, letting it frolick in my palm like drops of molten metal
and i am thaNkful i havent seen a pool of darkness surrounding it,
or even trying to taRnisH its brilliance, its purity and hope that it briNgs to me
puts back faith in believing,

but believiNg ....

what is believing the impossible ?

does believing in it makes it reachable?

does believing makes it real ..?

does believing make it possible?

today i stand where i am now
thaNkful for whatever that had been or had happened
regardless of how bad/good things may have turned out
for as much as our own decisions deteRmines iN creatINg the sharpest of turns or the smoothest of journeys
we have to face tHe consequences that lies in waiting for us
as each different route leads to yet another destination
unluckily this time we got lost
loSt looking for the "destination"
existiNg only in our own minds, but not on the maps
have we been in the daydream too loNg,
only to be awoken by the nightmare than shook us hard and mercilessly?
have we been blind all this while
or are they as real as we want them to be
before that foot-thick monster started making itself (un)comfortably cushioned in between tHe minute iNch-tHick gap that oNce exist.

life is precious
like a thin line of silver thread
it could snap into two
and be gone forever
i am grateful he's still here, not as who he used to be
but as a friend
i am grateful he is still alive
breathing the same air i breathe, treading on the same ground i walk on
doing the things that make him and people around him proud and happy,
and making differences in people's lives ( mine very much included)
and improving day by day to be a better person,
not for what he is not,
but by remaining the same person he oways was,
succeediNg in everythiNg he does and deserving the happiness he's seekiNg foR,
i believe he will ..


________________________________________________

i dread writing the end of an entry
for it keeps getting back to me that i might have missed out something important...

..

i'll keep that safe in my memorybox for another day's entry
but thats all foR now

(( xoxoxo ))

waViNg the whIte fLag

do u wonder why sometimes u are surrounded inside out with a certain emotion
then a certain soNg comes along
and theN wHaM! it just hits u right there
and there's no turNing back really
i thought it is a normal response to avoid getting pained
just as simply as getting blown by a certain tune, melody or words
but just as i was listeniNg to it a work
i knew i had to come back with that soNg playing inmy pc while i am doing my work
i am uncertain whats making me letting me doing this to myself
but i guess i am enjoying the pain as much as i wanna rid it
again, maybe this is a great way to get myself accustomed to pain till
all that is felt is just an empty numbness
and a smile is as easy as faking a smile, unfeeling, cold and artificial

funny i didnt realise how much this song meant all this while
although dido was sorta an all time favourite
she just has a sorta husky mellow and motherly voice that soothes
and this time she'd just delivered the soNg perfectly
with a spRinkle of melancholy
its perfeCt

. :: Dido_White Flag :: .

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
I'll tell you that
But if I didn't say it
Well, I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess
And destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "It's over"
Then I'm sure that that makes sense

Well I will go down with this ship And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
As I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

i haVe to get tHis out!!!

tiMe to upDate my blog when i can now
there's really hardly anything to say besides what i basically do everyday
last friday seemed memorable
i had a lOng day at woRk completing submissiOn drawiNgs for esarli
and dint get to leave till aPprox 11-30
that got mum & dad worrIed
so they droVe all the way up here to see that i reach home safely
kiNda iRritated me iN the begInnIng
as to why they'd not allow me to drive home alone at that houR
but i do see the poiNt and the reasons they tOOk all the trouble
just to ensure my safety
half the stReetlights arent working
the roads are holey and bumpy
coincidentally there had been two accidents that very day
one involving two cars completely crumpled like aluminium paper
and another involving a fight
and God noes who's tailIng me from behind
witH mean intentions
i had them behind me throughout the whole ride home
i must admit its pretty stressful
keepiNg my car at an acceptable speed of 50km/ph
on LDP!
sorry if i had been un-understandiNg
but i understand now..

but i kena bombed by them anyhow
because i drove around with no more gas in the car
i simply had no time to be frank
i was rushing to go work when i realise the tank's almost empty
and i was in the entiRe day workiNg w/out lunch
it was till i got into the car
i go
*dangz, and Caltex in front of my workplace owedy close
DarN Caltex,u arent there when i need u

i had an okay day on satuRday
as i had the whole mornIng( and nooN) in bed
to compensate for sleep loss last few days
had a quick lunch with dad and dad's fren in oldtown
and went to one.u after that to shoP for deBb's pResSie

i love suNday
suNday was the day i had a vicious quarrel with sis
not so much of a heated argument
but i must say i got pretty dissapointed by the way she behaved
i like the way she hurled those words at me
but inside i laugh and in turn ridicule her snide remarks
she's slowly turnIng into lil replicate of my elders
trying to change the way i am
the people i go out with
tHe choiCes i make
the time and whom i spend it with

try to get hold of ur own life before trying to touch mine
u don even have real frens who stand up with and for u
u say u have every right to do OR say what u want
then wheRe is mY right to chOose!?

u say people doN listen to u
and when u try harD to be nnice to people u doN get a siMilaR response
Try LooKing into the mIRror
i hope u lIke what u saw in there
cos thats what u tHink i am
but it was u all alOng

u doN even nOe how to stRike a nice conversation witH ur siBlings at home
doN even tRy to take control oF my liFe
cos ur very own is goIn down the draiN if u doN stop beiNg what u are
FAker!

aUg 31st! soMe inDepeNdence day...

i was beiNg crabby the whole nite
i was crimson from neck up,talking lots of cra(p) and pinching
(poor wats)
it was okay the first 15 mins after the last sip
but after that i start feeling the heat rose to my neck and slowly seeping into my OREDy rosy complexion
darnedest
was barely a full mug
and there i go bragging i had 3.. and a Quarter
lols
i start to notice how severe it was not untill
i paid a visit to the loo in(in hartamas's cristo)
trust me the washroom is miniscule for a place/crowd like that
i saw an octopus looking back at me in the reflection,
oh dangz
patting my face with water didnt help
in fact i think its gonna help it get worse
so i gave up
i walk back hobbling miserably on my heels
tipsy BUT miserable
i tot i was suppose to get tipsy high and i;ll be laughing my ass off
but not this time

i like lastyear's merdeka eve
although we were walking all over town
blistery toes and soles
but there were at least more than the 6 of us

time does feel like it flies
i recall what happened some 10 days ago from today's date
and it feels like it happened a month ago
woNder what makes it seemed like a century ago when my time with loved one
just ticks away with extraordinary speed
just a wink then the moment has to end

tiMe with family just remain at a standstill no matter how mucH tiMe i have with them
probably we have less conversations, thus the lack of comMunication, less glances, less expRessioN , and eventually less trust
but time standiNg still doesnt mean i could take time for granted and think it is actually standing still
it was actually never standing still
it was ever moving
at a steady pace
it was just me
me in my slower pace
i have to catch up somehow
or it will ever seem standing still for me
like things never are gonna change

when time does freeze it doesnt mean time wasnt wasted
the thIng about me assuming it never really moved was probably i was too reluctant and stubborn and strong headed to make it move in the first place
i cant do much with wasted time which i assumed was frozen time
but i can do a lot with time that is ahead of me
available for me to make changes for myself, people around me and my environment

i am just imagining life with no tomorrow
no more time
there's just not enough time

......